weighty secrets | Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.

weighty secrets - empty

"I've gained twenty pounds since my miscarriage.

One month ago.

I am sabotaging my body with food because I blame it for failing me. I know this, but I don't stop trying to fill the emptiness."

weighty secrets - Fear

There is NO age limit on the fear to eat and regain after weight loss surgery. It feels more shameful and embarrassing because I am NOT a silly teen, I'm not even in my young 20's. Or 30's. Or 40's. 

its true, we are broken. Whatever was not working right before, is still there, just in a different body.

weighty secrets - 2 in 1

I'm having WLS fail. I can eat nearly as much as I could pre-op (I am a year out) and I'm starting to binge and/or hide food. Result: I'm holding steady at 270 lbs (high weight was 407, day of surg was 372).

I'm also cheating on my husband, which was one of the post-op "things they warn you about" that I really didn't think would apply to me. I stopped going to my therapist because he told me to break it off with the other guy.

It's getting harder every day not to hate myself.