I've got that Barenaked Ladies song "One Week" playing in my head as I write this post --
It's been one week since you looked at me Cocked your head to the side and said I'm angry Five days since you laughed at me saying Get that together, come back and see me Three days since the living room I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you Yesterday you'd forgiven me But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry
The song makes little sense - and I was being vague in saying I did a good job in not referring to An Event Which Deserves No Social Media for nearly ONE MONTH. It's been almost a full month and I have yet to receive response as to why our cash donation to the non-profit organization was returned in any way, shape or form.
Considering the status verbal diarrhea-ticus I have lately, and my increased seizure activity -- frankly -- you're lucky I haven't written a book on this single topic.
However, this is my personal blog. I can has words here. Mmkay? I have been avoiding writing blog posts for far, far too long.
Why am I self-censoring?
You should know.
You should know these things.
What have I receieved?
I have been on the receiving end of a lot of angry.
A lot of people that support the non-profit that I am not referring to in any way (...I promise!) clearly want to know What Did You Do To Cause Such A Ruckus, BY GOLLY YOU CAUSED SUCH A RUCKUS!
I don't know what I did. If I knew - I would have posted it as I am a blogger and that is what I do. I assume that whatever it was -- happened here to begin with. Many online friends have demanded answers -- "Why did they return your money?" I can't tell you. I just don't know. I looked for answers after the fact. I spent entirely too long worrying about it.
I also received several emails (...I'm not going to post them right now) from businesses, vendor-types and professionals in the community (...some in not-very-nice tones) asking demanding clarification --
"JUST WHAT DID YOU DO YOUNG LADY?"
Like I told most everyone who asked somewhat nicely - I don't really know. It was enough to be banned, and have most of our support group photos removed from the official event photography. At this point, I almost wish there were a reason.
I told you I was a "Bad Girl" many years ago -- I even trademarked it. What did you expect from me? Bad girls do good. We donate money and rally together for the good of our bariatric community. But it's not good enough for some. So. We chose to move on.
Who wants our money? We're pretty good at fundraising.
We are proud to announce that the OAC has secured prominent National media coverage and local outlets confirmed to attend this year's ground-breaking event in Phoenix.
CNN, one of our nation's most long-standing media outlets, has officially confirmed their attendance this year and will join us in Phoenix to provide National coverage of the event. We are honored to have CNN attend this year and showcase the tremendous strides that are being taken to provide the needed education to individuals concerned about weight and health. This is also a unique opportunity to show a major news outlet like CNN a different side to the obesity epidemic, and our hope is that their experience at this year's Convention will foster a broader understanding of the complexities of the issue.
This year, we will also be joined by the local Fox affiliate, which will provide coverage of the event to Phoenix-area residents. Spreading awareness about the cause in local communities is a crucial component and we are excited to expose the local affiliate to our important messages and community.
I was part of the Inaugural Your Weight Matters National Convention last year and felt the energy and enthusiasm of more than 275 attendees! Join me this year to learn about all things related to weight and health – August 15-18 in Phoenix, AZ.
"Dr. Chugay has recently begun performing a revolutionary weight reduction procedure, which he has dubbed the Miracle Patch. This patch, when surgically applied to the tongue, produces a means to lose weight never before offered by other surgeons.
During a reversible procedure that takes less than an hour, the patient is fitted with a custom patch for the tongue which makes chewing of solid foods very difficult and painful, limiting the patient to a liquid diet. Under the direct supervision of Dr. Chugay and his staff, the patient is put on an easy to follow liquid diet, fulfilling all of their nutritional needs while at the same time minimizing caloric intake and maximizing weight loss results.
Recovery is rapid; and patients are typically able to return to work the following day."
I am intrigued and disturbed at the same time.
As a woman who had her stomach and intestines altered to lose more than 170 pounds I will not judge much (?) the above procedure's level of "OMG YOU DID WHAT TO YOURSELF!?!" because I have heard it all.
But how is this accomplished?
The doctor takes a piece of mesh - the material used to repair abdominal hernias - and attaches it to your tongue. Heck, you may already have this stuff inside you. (Half my family does. We're all patched together.)
This is supposed to make eating now so. unpleasant. that. you. stop.
You have surgical hernia (repair?) of the tongue. (I see other uses for this. Today. Yes.)
I am not a psychologist, but I am a bariatric patient of nearly ten years and professional watcher of post op bariatric patients. (That's my disclaimer, it's all you get.) Rapid weight loss by behavior modification of "Eating! Now Very Difficult And Painful!" can lead to some severe psychological eating issues later on.
Certainly if you're following the "rules of the tongue patch" it should work -- as as very low calorie liquid diet would. But, add in the benefit of making food no longer a pleasant experience, you might as well add the cost of your therapists bill too.
CONTINUOUS RECORDING: The EEG recording during the performance of this sodium amobarbital (Wada) test began at 14:57:45. The background consisted of a normal alpha frequency posterior dominant rhythm with appropriate attenuation to eye opening. There was intermittent theta frequency slowing and disorganization in the right posterior temporal region, centered at the T6 electrode, with intermixed sharp transients in that same area. On review of the video and audio recording, an injection was made at 16:03:12. A few intermixed delta waves were seen broadly in the right hemisphere shortly after that time, but no sustained slowing or change in background were noted.
Another injection was made at 16:18:05. Again, a few delta waves were seen broadly in the right hemisphere shortly after that time, but no sustained slowing or change in background were noted.
The recording was terminated at 17:00:24.
SLEEP: The patient became drowsy at points during the recording but did not fall asleep.
IMPRESSION: This EEG recording during a sodium amobarbital (Wada) examination showed a normal alpha frequency background. Despite two amobarbital injections, no sustained change in EEG was seen at any point, and the recording was subsequently terminated.
Before you even suggest it, this vendor had already packed up and left when Michelle and I tried this product with the CEO of a vitamin company. We tried his personal samples. We were not breaking anyone's Code Of Conduct. KTHANKS.
Yesterday at early-o-clock I went into Boston in preparation for my WADA testing. This test (like I explained before...) checks the effects of putting the halves of my brain to sleep each side at a time in preparation for eventual epilepsy surgery to remove a section of brain that is suspect for seizure trigger.
The WADA -
The test begins with an angiogram, a test that examines the flow of a dye through the blood vessels. A thin plastic tube (catheter) is introduced through an artery in the inner portion of the upper thigh. A local anesthetic is given to numb the area, and a needle is then inserted into the artery. The tube is threaded through the needle, and the needle is removed. There is some mild discomfort during the local anesthesia, but the rest of the test is painless. The tube is guided up to the carotid artery in the neck. A small amount of contrast dye is injected through the tube into the artery, and x-rays are taken to study the flow of blood in the brain. Some warmth or flashing lights may be experienced with the injection of the dye. Next, the radiologist injects the amobarbital, which quite literally puts almost half of the cerebral hemisphere to sleep for several minutes.
Immediately after the amobarbital injection, tests are given to see how well language and memory are working with half of the brain sleeping. This provides information on the functions of the cerebral hemisphere that is sleeping and the hemisphere that is awake. The same procedure is usually repeated on the opposite side after a delay to ensure that the patient’s level of alertness has returned to normal.
Soon after reaching the hospital, I got on my fancy headgear (EEG) to measure brain activity and then spent many hours WAITING for the test.
And waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
Which was fine, because then this happened, while totally awake -
Let me tell you - in everything I read prior to this procedure I was AWARE that I would be awake and functioning during the test. I knew that I would "feel" it. I knew that it was only local anesthetic.
BUT HOLY HELL.
That first part (as shown in the video...) hurt like a bitch. The only way I could describe it, because my outer skin was numbed, and I was totally non-sedated - was a spinal tap. I've had MANY of those. It was the creepiest, crawliest, burniest, leg-crampiest, GET OUT OF MY HIP WITH THAT GOD DAMNED NEEDLE YOU MOTHERFUCKER feeling, EVER.
I cringed, winced, bit my lip, at one juncture there was a tear - and I was told not to move. I have been sick with allergies and was trying NOT to cough because if that NEEDLE MOVED -- I was thinking I would knick something and bleed to death. The EEG tech came over after the procedure was over and said that I made him cringe a little, I think he had a camera over my facial expressions.I was not prepared for pain. I was prepared for discomfort. However, it passed as soon as the radiologist got through the hip area and threaded the wires past the bony area of ME. I did not feel any actual pain from the wires/tube after that, I only felt creepy/crawlies from the tiny tube later on.
Once the wire/tube was in place at the brain artery - I was dosed with medications - repeatedly - this doctor explains it very, very well... listen -- EXCEPT -
You watched it right? You understand what was *SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? Brains go to sleeps! Listen to it if you did not. I will wait.
What do you THINK happened because I am BETH and nothing is ever simple? Neurology nurses might know.
That's the next post. I'm waiting on the doctor to call with what we do next because Beth is very special.
It's a funny thing when you post your lowest-to-date weight, instant comments happen. I suppose I should expect it. I watch the comments scroll on other people's blogs, pages, etc and I try to ignore them but I do wonder what the guidelines or cut offs are for making judgements on a person's shape/size.
"Now don't you go wasting away on us!" (I am a nine year and two month bariatric surgery post op, I think I have this whole cyclic regain pattern pretty much DOWN to a science.)
"Gosh, I hope you are not going anorexic over there!" (Wait, what?! No, really, WHAT?)
"I NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU EAT EVERY SINGLE DAY."
"What do you eat? 600-800 calories? Show me."
"OMGoodness aren't you just a little thing!"
"I hope you calculated your excess skin in there!" (Um. It's about 5-7 lbs. If I take Skilsaw to my arms, belly and thighs, I will be in exactly the top range of normal body weight. I'd probably become Super Anemia Girl too.)
I don't think it matters which direction you go - there is a comment somewhere.
And it just proves that we are SO INDIVIDUAL. You cannot judge your path against someone else. Please don't try.
*cue Britney Bitch*
Why do other people feel compelled to immediately (No, seriously, THE SECOND YOU TAKE A BIG SHIT AND POST YOUR WEIGHT LOSS...) judge themselves against you?
Oh my goodness, aren't you a crass little creature! *unsubscribe*
I have never (in my life) seen 145 lbs. I am a short woman, which makes 145 lbs "overweight." May I own it for five seconds before I sabotage it?
Please do not make body comments about anyone. Ever. You have NO idea what kind of lasting impression it has on them. I am stronger than most.