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December 2007 posts

Surgery Flame Wars.

I posted this on Obesity Help this morning, after seeing many many posts regarding the entire "My weight loss surgery procedure is better than yours" saga drag on and on.  Frankly, I do not understand it at all.  Why do any of us feel the need to promote our surgery, the fact that we "needed" it or - that it's the "best"?  It's unsettling, to say the least, that any of us feel like we should sell this entire WLS as a lifestyle to CRAVE.

It ain't.

The post:

I could care less who's surgery is so much wicked cooler than mine.

It all sucks. 

It sucks that all of us "had to" resort to re-arranged guts to lose weight to begin with.

Why, oh why, are we trying to "sell" our surgeries to other people anyway? 

What good does it do to promote and sell a surgical procedure to someone else? 

I don't see anyone out there trying to get you to "Get that colostomy bag, it's so much cooler than your normal crapper!"

Why does anyone feel the urge to promote this method of weight loss to anyone else unless they are:

A) a bariatric surgeon or working for one
B) truly gaining something from the process

What are you gaining from telling the world that your surgery is super?  More WLS peers, or what?  Why does it matter?  What about the negatives?  All surgeries for weight loss have negative consequences among the obvious positives, but why do we have to make them sound so GREAT?

Should we (as WLS'ers ourselves) be selling bariatrics here - or just supporting those who have "had to" to go through this "last resort" surgery?  Isn't WLS about "savin' lives" - and not so much about what you can eat and how skinny you can be?  Isn't it not 'posed to be about vanity?

countdown is on.

so happy he could..., originally uploaded by Melting Mama.

..two days, one panni, two thighs and - a coupla thousands of dollars, and he's a new man.  I posted on MySpace: 

My husband is having surgery on Wednesday, no, nothing is wrong - it's totally cosmetic, he's lost 200 pounds, and that leaves you kinda looking like a raisin.

He's getting a few things fixed and will be sporting a six pack by Thursday. (I kid. Really, he's going to resemble more like an, um, stuffed date rather than raisin.)

So, why do I share this? Because. He could use some well-wishes and luck, because he's going to be At Home for like, a few weeks recovering. AHH! :x

P.S. This is close to where he started, WLS day in May 2004:

Newly post-op, May 2004

Yes, I'll post pre-post plastic surgery photos. He wants me to take them, to prove that this pain will be worth it. :)

Once again resolving not to resolve anything.

I remember writing my "goodbye 2006" post last year at this time, with this:

"2007 had better be an improvement.  I can't predict the future, but I've got a positive outlook on the coming year.  I'm a cynical person by nature, and I always find the negative about a situation, but... this year Has To Be Better, damn it. So.  Come on 2007.  Bring it."

I'm glad to go back and re-read and see that I did not make A Single Resolution for 2007. 

Because, if I had? I am sure I would have completely mucked it up and not accomplished any of them.  I should have simply stated that I wanted to survive 2007, because, by golly I did!  And, how!  We're all alive, we're all healthy - and not a damn thing has changed, really.

The usual resolutions that people make this time of year?  Lose weight, quit sucking cancer, get a new job:  I resolved to do none of those things, and I did none of them.  I succeeded in 2007, I resolved to do nothing and did nothing.  I did it, I resolved to not resolve and it worked.

I'm starting 2008 in basically the same situation as 2007:

  • I didn't resolve to lose weight.  I'm practically the same weight. I didn't really lose or gain any substantial amount of weight this year, I fluxed about 10 lbs, but have maintained an average of where I am this very moment.  Actually, if I weren't considered "nearly obese" at this weight, it would be a huge success as a post-WLS'er to maintain a loss of most of my excess body weight at three years and ten months out.
  • I didn't resolve to Quit Anything, because I don't really have any unhealthy habits beyond coffee and sugar, so.... I succeeded in that.
  • I didn't resolve to get a job, because that's just obvious - and while I did get a few random part-time gigs, and one that I'm still doing now, I succeeding in NOT getting a "real job."

I did it.  2007 was a success of unsuccessful proportions!  Not only for me, I'm sure of it. 

Even my husband was sort of let down with 2007.  He applied for a Really Good (More! Money!) Job and was practically given it and it was taken away due to some quirk, he then applied for a higher-level job at his current company and was passed up.  Some good came out of this year - as he began college (again) online, and is maintaining a fantastic GPA, an this can only help him out in the long run with his career, once he gets past all of the requirements like World! Religion!  He has also basically maintained a lower body weight - and right now he's at the lowest he's been for about two years (179 lbs today) since he's prepping for plastic surgery THIS WEEK.  He's ending the year in a better place - with more opportunity lurking around the corner, but, like everything - it can't happen quick enough.

As of this writing - December 30, 2007 - I resolve to not resolve anything.  I will though - state that there are things I will be working on - regardless of the fact that it's a New Year.

  • I must lose a few pounds.  I will, I'm having several CUT OFF OF MY BODY in 30something days, that's a given.  So, regardless of me losing actual fat cells, I will lose a few - even if it costs me $7,000.  So there!
  • I must find a big-girl job, part or full time, I just need to.  I can't give up 30-40 hours for minimum wage.  I can't.  I am, and I will - I am buying the groceries, that is a help, but I feel that I am wasting precious time.  In fact, I know I am.  I'm 29 years old, this is ridiculous.  We could get so much further if I could just find a big girl job - it wouldn't take that much, either.
  • I must make exercise a part of my life somehow - even if I hate it with a burning passion.  (There.  I said it.)
  • I must cut all forms of sugar out of my life.  It is the devil and could kill me.  (There. I said it.)
  • I must, I must, I must increase my bust.  Mmkay, I got totally distracted... and the post ends here.

How about you?!  Are you resolving anything - or anti-resolving?

Some of what was dinner.

mmmmmmm..., originally uploaded by Melting Mama.

..because I don't have photo evidence of all the carbs I ate.

, originally uploaded by Melting Mama.

S'bux introducing "Skinny" Drinks. 'Bout Time.

We've been ordering them for years, you know, the Nonfat Sugar-Free No Whip Whatever Just Order The Stupid Thing And Move On Drinks?  Starbucks is finally adjusting their menu boards and adding "skinny" items right next to the five hundred calorie Frappuccinos.

From Yahoo:

Just in time for the New Year, Starbucks helps customers       keep their resolutions without sacrificing flavor with the introduction       of the Skinny       platform, a nonfat Latte made with sugar-free syrup. Bringing the       sugar-free syrups to the forefront of the menu, Starbucks is adding a       new sugar-free syrup flavor -- Mocha -- to the already sweet selection       of Vanilla, Hazelnut, Caramel, and Cinnamon Dolce. By simply ordering a       Starbucks® Caffè       Latte or Caffè Mocha skinny,customers can satisfy their desire for something sweet while reducing       calories and fat.

Anyone that is watching their intake of calories, fat and sugar had already been making up their own drinks as long as they'd been patronizing Starbucks, I'm sure.  I know most of us have our Very. Specific. Drinks.  Like my current (if I am out and about and having to pay for a eleventy dollar drink, drink..)

  • Sugar free ________
  • Non-fat milk, foam only or soy, foam only
  • Quad espresso

So, after I pay $6.00 for THAT, I realize the need for healthier options while I'm there, sure - and cheaper would be a huge draw.  (I know I'm making my own a few times a week while working, for free - but.. when I'm not working - that's a huge expense, to have a treat!)

(Not to mention, it's usually made wrong.)

But I'm glad to see the choices will be there ON the menu boards, to direct people to better choices.

I'm no good at this.

I hate that holiday get-togethers must revolve around food.


I never know what to make, because I don't really ever "cook" anymore. 

My life is so detached from food and eating for fun that this part really sucks.  I want to be festive and make Fun! Festive! Yummy! things, but I don't want to smell them, look at them, eat them nor get sick from them and then later, crash from them.  My holidays and such have become something to NOT look forward to, because of all the food I have to deal with.

It's like being an alcoholic, isn't it... I think I am finally making that connection. 

I guess I'm not an addict anymore - if I am slowly repulsed by food at this stage in the game?

For tomorrow's shindig, I was to make two appetizers and a dessert.  I had no game plan and no idea what to bring when I hit the grocery store, four kids in tow and Especially One Who Screams all the way through the store.  I came home with goods to make a White Bean + Artichoke Dip (Done. Yummy, Healthy!  Good stuff!  But, what to dip in it for me?!) A regular hot Artichoke + Cheese Dip (Done, Not Healthy - Death By Mayo!) and four packages of assorted frozen puff pastry sheets, with Brie and Feta.  I thought I'd make cheesey-poofy things in the oven - but I have no patience for the thawing that is going on now - and I had no time when The One Who Screams was at my feet.  (ETA:  I screwed up the cheese part - I added an entire egg rather than the 1 TBSP it called for, and the cheese won't ball.  Awesome.  Trash.)

I'm contemplating dipping the almost thawed suckers in sugar and cinnamon and calling it "dessert."  I don't really keep any back stock of items to make goodies, because I'm the kind of girl who will tear the corner off of the chocolate chips bag just to have a handful, for days on end, so - there really isn't much in the way of Things To Make.  I don't eat the stuff (shouldn't eat the stuff is what I should say here) and I can't have it near me.  Cooking for others is supposed to be different, but it's not - because who can cook without testing? (ETA:  Puff pastry sux.  I'm no baker - nor can I eat this crap - so I may have wasted a giant amount of carbs just now.  The recipe from Food Network came out dry, icky and naasssty.)

Glenny's 100 Calorie Brownies.

Brownies aren't supposed to be 100 calories. They are supposed to be very high in calories, and fat, and sugar, and they're supposed to help you get wicked fat.  (Or, at least, they helped me to do so.)

Imagine my surprise when I found a product from that not only read "BROWNIE" on the label - but - 100 Calorie?!  No way.  Not. possible.  Apparently, it is, and it's got simple ingredients:

INGREDIENTS: Water, Organic Evaporated Cane Juice, Organic Cocoa, Organic Soy Flour, Organic AA Butter, Organic Milk Chocolate Chips (organic sugar, organic unsweetened chocolate, organic cocoa butter, soy lecithin), Organic Whole Eggs, Lemon Juice, Soy Fiber, Organic Wheat Gluten, Natural Chicory Root (Inulin), Acacia Gum, Organic Egg Whites, Vinegar, Salt, Xanthan Gum, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Monocalcium Phosphate), Natural Flavors.

No weird stuff in there.  It's all good quality food.

Calories: 100
Total Fat: 4g
Saturated Fat: 1.5g
Trans Fat: 0g
Carbohydrates: 12g
Protein: 4g
Sodium: 85mg
Fiber: 7g
Sugars: 11g
Upon opening the package - I smelled some serious chocolate.  I am a huge fan of chocolate, so the smell sold me immediately.  The appearance?  A decent sized rectangle cakey-looking brownie, without the crackly Betty Crocker Fudge Brownie Glistening Fat on top.  (I know, *sigh*...)  The taste, good - wait - BETTER than I expected.  To be honest, I had resigned myself that I wouldn't like this product, because it was a healthified (that's a word, damn it!) version of a food I adore and can't really ever have.  But this, Glenny's 100 Calorie Brownie - I can have!  At least, I can have it within boundaries - because it still contains quite a bit of sugar.

For my gastric bypass'ed peers, it's an okay choice for a substitute for real, hard-core baked goods.  It isn't something we should have all the time - BUT - most of us are mainlining real sugared chocolate all the time anyways - this product would be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge improvement.  We'd get a bigger portion of a sweet, chocolatey food for much less fat, calories and sugar than the chocolate fix we may choose at the spur of the moment.

For the non-WLS'ers, it's a GREAT choice for a low calorie snack, and a DEFINITE good choice for the kids.  I would consider using these for the kids as a special treat.  We don't make brownies in our house - but I'd be willing to serve these instead of the typical sugar and fat bombs I'd get out of a mix.

Item:  Glenny's 100 Calorie Brownies
Price:  $1.50 each or less online, purchased at local "Vitamin World" for more than that, though, and from a cranky cashier who gave me crap about buying a case of my Oh Yeah Bars that I mixed myself.
Pros:  Chocolate!  100 calories.  Low fat.  Chocolate!
Cons:  Sugar.
Rating:  4 out of 5.

do you mean well? do you do the right thing?

Re: The crazy MF from a few days ago.  No sign of him since the episode, but his manager came in today and didn't even ask how I might be considering he triggered that event the other day.  I thought for certain the MF's manager would at least apologize, you know, for causing me to be threatened, but he was too busy being happy.  Like I told someone today - this kind of thing just reaffirms my lack of trust in anyone in a middle management capacity over peons, especially of the retail type.  I always like to see the best in other people, I like to think that everyone is good, deep down, they'd do the right thing in most situations.  But, they don't.

The police officer came in to see how things were, to make sure that nothing had occurred since I'd been back.  She reiterated that if he so much as looks at me, to call her again.

I won't be there as much, as my hours at the shop are being cut back due to the end of the busy season, and the surgeries, so there is less of a chance of any more random dickwads coming my way - but then again...

I also need to keep up the job search.  I should probably be prepared to find something that can start in March, after I'm healed up enough to take on new duties.  But what?!

Santa Came. Was it good for you?

For the Giftsmas Celebraters:  Okay, push Jesus aside, and fahgeddaboud the Food Orgies you may have had.  What did you get?  You do know, It's All About The Materialism, Baby!  Whaddayget?  Huh? Huh?  What's yer favorite?

Nohoho I got mostly gift carded again.  (I must be one of "those" hard to shop for people.  I didn't realize I was.)  I suppose it's probably impossible, to pick out things related to food or kitchens, because I could really care less about food or kitchens, or to find clothes, because I can't fit in anything normal, so the normal sort of "buy her a bread-maker" or "how about a nice sweater?" don't apply to me very well. 

What was on my list?  Things that are too expensive for Santa.  He couldn't oblige.  (But, I knew that already, Santa and you know... "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?") 

My list:

  • One head espresso machine, a real one, not some generic retail store knockoff that I would break.
  • A pair of diamond stud earrings with locking backs.
  • Fake boobies a la Plastic Surgeon, or money towards such.  (He should really have gift cards for this!)

I got from Santa:

  • Nothing.  Because.  I opened the box that came to the house, you know, "for you, but you opened it!"

So, for Christmas, I filled out loan documents online for The Boobs.


Fess up.

How did we fare yesterday and the day afore dat?

Did anybody find themselves under a pile of refined baked carbohydrates, begging the day to be over?

In actuality, it wasn't all that bad this year.  This was my third post weight loss surgery Jesus Birthday Party - and I didn't do that much damage.  My appetite was sort of stunted this year, due to my hypoglycemia issues.  I could have eaten all of it - and how! - but I am so terrified of crashing and not realizing when I'm entering the danger zone and being unsafe, so I've been sort of good.

It also helped, that yesterday, we partied for Jesus at the in-laws.  That means - the MIL + SIL (both WLS'ers) were cooking.  There wasn't much in the way of crap at all, or at least the kind that would get me salivating and barking at the table.  I may have had a run-in with a bowl of onion dip, but I haven't seen that stuff in years and I was like, "Wow, that does taste purdy good, lemme try it again." 

I didn't get very festive with my dinner plate, either.  I took four creamed onions and about two ounces of turkey, in which I promptly dipped in the cream sauce.  That was it.  I was done.  In fact, I then dumped on what I ate - and fell asleep on Bob's lap with children around me. 

Total eaten: 

  • One big probably 1.5 servings handful potato chips with around 3 TBSP dip.
  • four baby onions in sauce
  • three bites turkey.

The damage, a seriously sleep inducing dump.  No overfullness, no nausea, no distress, just overwhelming sleepiness, during which I made Bob test my sugars - juuuuuuuuust to see, and they were "high" (for me) at 126 mg.  I knew that a low would probably ensue, so even though I was itching to go home and deal with The Pile, I waited, and sure enough - the sugars started dropping.  I tested twice in the 70's, and decided to eat something so I could go home, had I waited a while longer, about an hour, I would have been in a real low.  (This is why I don't like to eat out of the house.)

I got home, dealt with The Pile, and finally sat down with "cup-o-noodle" soup (bad idea, yes, we realize this, CARBS!) at about 7pm.

We went to bed really early, and I woke up at 10pm trembling badly, just starting to sweat and confused. 

I wasn't sure what I was really doing - but once I made it up the stairs I figured out with little brain that it was probably a low because I was Shaking Really Intensely. 

I opened the fridge - knowing that I should eat something, but didn't think to test my sugars because I was out of it.  I grabbed a cheese stick and a slice of bread, but I couldn't get the wrapper off of the cheese stick because I was shaking so bad.  I remember biting half of the cheese through the wrapper and popping it up, before giving up and looking for the peanut butter crackers that I was told to have on hand.  I started eating peanut butter crackers, fast. 

It wasn't until about five to ten minutes later that I remembered to test my blood sugar.  56 mg.  I must have been lower than that, so that explains my idiocy.

Okay, so I crashed, hard.  Whatever.  It was probably due to the noodle soup - since that was the only thing I ingested pre-bed.  Apparently high carby noodles with tons of MSG aren't the best choice for a reactive hypoglycemic.

(I should have had fudge.)

Kidding.  Only, a little bit.

Edited to add:  The food I ate to counteract my low blood sugar?  Made me dump.  A super-fun nausea inducing sick heart-racing dump.  Who knows/cares if I had another subsequent low - I slept through it. 

What a life.

Tis the season.

Jen had a really rough holiday, read her post here.


p e a c e.

We're piled under way too many packages - and I've eaten too many creamed onions.  But, I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.  I didn't send out cards this year, to anybody, at all - nor did I do much of anything, but.. we're all alive + well and that's what counts, long after the cards have been thrown in the trash and the gifts are in the return pile.

Peace to you and yours in 2008, from us to you.  Thanks for being here.

it wouldn't be proper unless someone was frowning.

Read it quick, it's likely to be deleted within moments.

I got a little surprise this yesterday (I edited this) morning.  I served a woman a smoothie - and she mentions something that makes me go, "What?!"  She referred to the blog - and I'm all "What the?  Who? How do you?"  Then I realize, this is a reader of the blawg.  I'm visibly embarrassed, this person knows me, and I haven't an idea who she is.  She was very sweet, and I got her email address.  Thank you for visiting and being sane, because... my day went to hell later, so I appreciate normalcy.  Thank you.  :)

What happened?  Well, I have had a problem customer, and I've been telling people that this person has been making trouble for me in the last couple weeks - and today it hopefully culminated and won't go further. 

Continue reading "Read it quick, it's likely to be deleted within moments." »

A "Weighty Secret" blog comment I have to post here.

Have you been to Weighty Secrets yet?  This comment was received on a post there last night - and I had to cross post it here.

Search for any wls blogs or stories or even posters on wls boards from post ops more than two or three years out...they are virtually non-existant. Nobody posts on boards more than 2 years post op. Blogs are abandoned at two years out. The surgery has a honeymoon and people still in that period tend to get very emotional about defending it. Once the regain, ruptures, complications and malabsorption side effects take over, these people feel like failures and hypocrites and go into hiding. Where are the ten year post-ops? Or the five year ones? That's who I want to hear from.

Long ago, and not so far away...

..I worked for a local coffee shop chain.  I was sixteen going on seventeen.  (Did you just sing that, too?)

Fast forward eleven (OMG!) years later, and I'm sitting on the couch watching TV - when a commercial comes on and makes me GAG on my, uh, coffee.

It's a middle aged blonde woman, looking seductively over her pink cup, asking:  "Who's keeping you warm this winter?"  Say, wha?  I go online, to the coffee shop's website - to see if I can't show you the commercial, since most of y'all don't live here.  That particular one isn't but these photos of previous shoots ARE.

Can you believe that This Girl worked for THAT company?  I did.

Look at the lovelies they pimp out with your coffee!
I wasn't skinny, either, I was 200-240 pounds while I worked there - until I was "laid off" - when I "got pregnant."  (Timely, no?)  I didn't realize it fully at that time, considering that I was making more money than I could have ever imaginedwhile in high school, and shortly thereafter.

Did I know what I was selling?  Apparently not.
Do they know what they're selling?
It amazes me that I was ever hired for this company, but doesn't surprise me that I was canned.  My photo is still on the wall of the location I worked in, someone stopped me one day and asked me, "Did you used to work at such and such?"  Uh.  Yeah.  *hangs head in shame*