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June 2008 posts

Monday.

  • Click Espresso Protein in my Unsweetened Soy Cappuccino.
  • Dole Fresh Discoveries Salad Mix, Walden Farms Zero Calorie Dressing, Grated Cheese.
  • Too many dark chocolate almonds. (This was all day long, hand in the container, probably two servings.)
  • Two Wendy's Chicken Nuggets and four bites of a 1/4 single.

My two chubby baby boys.


, originally uploaded by bethography - melting mama.

My boy called home. He's fine.

But, it's warm there.

He enjoys the free food.

And, he's having fun.


Not that I want to make it habit.

But apparently I am not good at eating when he is home.  Red flag, send him back to work.  Now, if I could just drive, things would be so much easier.

  • 1/2 Cookie (Breakfast of champions, no?  Don't ask who may have been at a bakery yesterday and bought a dozen while I was at the Apple Store with the computer, that isn't obvious?  It's not like I sat down and at a freaking cookie either.  I was picking at the suckers ALL MORNING LONG.)
  • 1/2 Cookie (Lunch of champions?  Perhaps!)
  • Dinner was out at a Mexican Restaurant.  I can't even tell you how many calories it was.  I didn't eat much, but I ate till I was full, and I ordered a "Vegetarian Combo,"  I ate a pile of plain black beans first, then a few bites of a cheese thing, a spinach-filled delicious-ness, and a few bites of a chile filled with fatty cheese.  (I have NEVER had one of those, OMG!?)  I did not dump.  Had I eaten any more, I would have.  My blood sugar did crash though.  I didn't test, I felt it.  I was pacing.  It wasn't a real low one -  but I was pacing and looking for more food within an hour.

Just so you know - Bob had a low sugar after this meal too - he had a bunch of carbs - he ate tortilla chips and salsa, which I don't, and he was trying to do his homework and cracked out and lost his brain about an hour and a half into it.  It happens to both of us, specifically after high-carb meals, of course, which I never really eat, but if we both indulge, forget about it, we're goners.  It makes me wonder sometimes if his drive for the simple carbs might have anything to do with the blood sugar cycling just like mine.  It is possible, I mean, I make fun of him, because, he ate like crap BEFORE the RNY, and he just does it on a miniature version now, but what if it is the damn pancreas pushing him, too?

Could be.


Hyperventilating.

sugar water

It's 7:30am on a Sunday, we've been up an hour already, and we're dancing and spinning to this.  (Go on, turn your speakers up and try not to shake your bum.)  You should see Tristan right now.  She's spinning backwards in a circle, bouncing, her hands up.

You ask why we are up so early on a Sunday - the Day Of Rest?  Well, it ain't no Day Of Rest in our house.  Sunday is generally the only day to get shit done.  Why?  Well, typically, Mr. MM works Tuesday - Saturday and takes Sunday and Monday off, and we use Sunday for any and all errands, and Monday is any and all doctor visits or things that can only be done on business days since I cannot drive and we are stuck DOING ALL OF IT TAG TEAM STYLE.

But, this Sunday, he's driving my poor boy to his demise first shot at overnight camp. 

They were up and out of here at 6am - to drive out to drop the boy off for a week of sleepover camp.  (This isn't "in the woods camping."  He can do that.  We've done that.  He likes dirt, and can keep occupied in the dirt and bugs and fish for hours.  In fact, HE loves real camping, give him a pole and worms.  Just don't ask me to help.)

He's going to FOOTBALL CAMP PEOPLE.  FOOTBALL CAMP.  I can only safely say that THANK DOG that his father is also on vacation this week (which he also did because he volunteered to be a camp parent, and not chosen, maybe they Googled the geek and saw that he's a former fatty that has never even played organized sports because people made fun of him, discrimination I say sarcastically!) because he is SO going to have to go pick my boy up after a sniffling phone call within 48 hours.

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My boy is a delicate flower.  Much like his DAD.

There are two scenarios. 

  1. He will either totally rock this camp, and be perfectly fine, and play the clown and make like 1,000 friends, which is what he does in many social situations when he is away from everyone else that can judge him like his sisters or extended family.  (Just the truth, if he feels the slightest bit of judgment, it's SO OVER.)
  2. OR - he will lose his shit and call home the moment he has to do something out of his comfort zone like, a communal shower or something. 

    "OMG!  COME HERE NOW AND BRING ME HOME.  I HATE FOOTBALL CAMP, AND YOU DID THIS TO ME AND I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE AND I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.  And if you think I am even putting that jockstrap on again and going to football,  you have another think coming.  When I am going to therapy?"

Some children probably jump at the chance at camp like this - it's a Big Deal - and maybe he'll feel entirely different about it when it gets back - and we saw 100% positive effects of FOOTBALL in the boy last summer - so I am glad he went.  I kid, I really do - it's just OMG, it's kinda scary, because, my boy is a flower.

A flower who happens to be like 95 lbs, and a beast.

DSC_0197


I refuse to call it a BAD food day.

But, it was a shitty food day.  It's not much - just REALLY "crappy" in comparison to how I have been eating, mostly because we were out of the house all day long and I wasn't prepared for it.

Weight - 157 lbs.

(And, just for the sake of writing things down because my memory is CRAP, that intermittent pain is still around.  I think I may have a weird uterus or something?  It's not a fetus, it's not a bowling ball poop - we ruled those things out.   So - we'll keep it in mind, the phantom pain of lower left colon/uterus/ovary or bladder.  I can feel it RIGHT NOW.  It's a weird stabbing pain.  I can point, RIGHT HERE, see?   Would an ultrasound or another test show more than an x-ray, or am I wasting my time and money again?)

  • (In the car,  my day started off sour because I brought a protein shake with me, but it went horribly wrong, and chunked.) So,  I was STARVING.  1/2 croissant, sausage, egg cheese minus most of the croissant that I threw out the car window.
  • Venti soy cappuccino + 1 petite vanilla scone (Eww, what a waste of carb grams.)
  • 1 egg foo yung (OMG love, I haven't had this in years!  Eggs have not been my friend for so long.)
  • 1/2 biscotti.
  • 4 glucose tabs.  (Hypo crash!  Didn't even test, I didn't need to, felt it coming a mile away.)
  • (Back home) Cheese + black olives from the top of a slice of pizza.
  • Unsweetened soy cappuccino.

Friday.

Weight - 157 lbs.

  • Unsweetened soy milk cappuccino, 1/2 scoop Syntrax Sweets Chocolate Protein mixed in (it almost worked, it chunked a little, ick...)
  • Review! To! Come!  DELISH!
  • 1 serving Genisoy Soy Crisps BBQ Flavor + Salsa
  • Green salad, cheese.  Ran out of my dressing, crap. (50 calories)
  • Hunka chicken breast, it's gone too. Crap. (50 calories)
  • Green salad, cheese,  no dressing. (50 calories)
  • Rockstar Roasted Light (100 calories)
  • Two bites Premier Nutrition Titan Protein Bar, gave up on it and had 1 snack cup 2% cottage cheese instead (90 calories)
  • 3/4 of an egg roll, three bites rice (OMG THE PAIN!?)

By all means, do not read this if you are enjoying your summer.

For sale - 2006 r-Vision Maxlite Travel Trailer

(I need a summer vacation.  I'm not asking much.

I would consider camping! But, the camper is for sale, and it was never registered or anything and I don't have a tow vehicle. LOL.)

It's 7:37am on a Friday and it's still only June and when does school start again?  When can I drive again?  When?  When?  When?

I feel like one of those annoying fucking yippy dogs at the window. 

"Yippy!  Yippy!  Yippy!  Yip!  Yip  Yip!!"   (Translated:  "Go for a ride, Go for a ride, Go Go Go?")

I have already used day-camp as a threat for one child, because her attitude sucked and she hated it last time, so her attitude changed.

The other two big kids might still get a little day-camp thrown in for good measure.  Maybe just a session, if it is available, as it is quite inexpensive and cheaper than the sheer amount of duct tape it will require to affix the two of them to the ceiling for the same length of time because they have:

"Nothing to do because everyone else gets to leave and we have to stay home all the time because you can't drive and everyone else has camp/swimming/sports/friends and we have to stay here and whine."

If I start hearing too much misery, I tell everyone to get sneakers on, and we walk.  But, if you read my last post about that, it doesn't happen that often, because it causes more misery.

For what it's worth, even when I do drive, we didn't do that much in the summer, although it was a hell of a lot more than this.  We would leave the house at least once a day if I wasn't working.  (Lots of playground time, beach, walking, grandma's pool... and they had camp, if I worked.)

My response?  "Go read a book.  Would it hurt you to read a book?"

"Probably." 

Then they go play for a length of time and the cycle repeats until Dad gets home between 5:30pm and 7:30pm.


Mr. MM Goes On A Diet?

Mr. MM must have stepped on the scale.  (We have a don't ask, don't tell policy.)

Certainly, I tell, but I never ask.  He's sensitive.  He typically only sees a weight change by how his pants are fitting.  When the pants no LONGER fit?  It's time to cut back.  (I hadn't noticed if the pants did not fit.)

How do I know this?  He's logged on to Fit-day two days in a row,  but I got him to sign up for The Daily Plate and he's asking questions, like:

"How many calories do you think are in how much cream  (points to the part of the styrofoam cup where the moo fat comes up to each time the Dunkin' Donuts clerk fills it up when he orders his drink)
I have in my cup of coffee?"

"Dude, you don't want to know."

"Why?"

"When you ask for a large EXTRA LIGHT four plus times a day, what do you think that means?"

Today, he went to work, proclaiming that he was going to order, BLACK COFFEE, and he would purchase his own half and half and pour it himself as necessary, you know, to save his arteries, after the shock of seeing what he has been drinking.

He just called, and said that he tried his morning cup with the fat-free half and half.  It's not a new thing, it's what we've had at home, many times before.  I don't use half and half, I use soy, but I keep a container for him, just in case he makes a cup. 

"But, it tastes so BLAH."

I hear you.  It's gross.  I suggested that maybe if he just cut back on the sheer amount of fat-laden cream, and learn to appreciate less of it or a smaller cup of coffee at a time?  I don't think he even likes coffee to be honest.  He likes sweet cream.

It's hard.  I know.  He has a Dunkin' Donuts on site at work, within feet of his nose.  He is lucky he has not gained 100 lbs. of donut and cinnamon roll weight back already.  He knows this and is lucky to have some built in mal-absorption left. 

You are all too aware that he tends to tote home a glazed stick or two and I am a compulsive nibbler.  (Even four bites do me in, but, I still tempt fate.)  But he?  He has always been much more of a carb-o-holic, it is his addiction.  This boy will never be addicted to anything but brownies.  (Yes, it's no secret I would prefer that he were 500 lbs. than an alcoholic or drug addict, thank you.) 

But, he's very lucky, still, he can sort of cut back to eggs, soup and protein bars for a bit, and drop that 15 lbs of donut weight like nothing, you just watch, whereas it will take me YEARS to lose 15 lbs.


The doctor's office called.

That took more than a WEEK.  The results of my X-RAY? 

Are of course - "negative."  I ask the nurse, "Negative for WHAT?"  She said, "Are you still having pain?" 

I tell her, no, not really, it was really bad for a while - but I figured I wouldn't explode, but what did "negative" mean?  She said that meant that "nothing showed up."

Oh.  Phantom pain.  Now I'm going to be a hypochondriac.  Super.


Bariatric Nutrition: Suggestions For the Weight Loss Patient

If you get through this huge thing (you will) it is CHOCK-FULL of information that is very beneficial, you may want to commit this stuff to memorization.  I'm not kidding.

"Bariatric Nutrition" from the ASMBS.

I've put the link in the side bar for future use.


"Normal?"

And, this girl?   A  beautiful young mom.  She only had little more than about 100 pounds to lose. 

She's going to end up severely malnourished and on TPN.  That's just my gut feeling.  This kills me.  I want to reply to say something, but what in the hell do you say? 

"I know how you feel?" 

YOU DON'T!  YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SHE FEELS!  Well, maybe some of you out there DO, but I sure as hell don't.  I never had a problem like THAT.  I have been lucky, very lucky.

She wants to know if it's normal.


Is stress an aerobic exercise?

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This is getting harder to do with the kids home.  That's not an excuse.  It's the truth.  I have FOUR.  One kid? 

That's easy.  Toss her diapey butt in the stroller and go. 

DSC_0084

Two?  Not so much, number two is not equipped to go for four miles on a bike.  She drops after about two. 

 

Three?  Number three can do it - he's good to go - but he whines if it's not what he WANTS to do.   He wants to watch "Star Wars."

DSC_0036

 

Number four - forget it.  She needs to do it, wants to do it, but it's overwhelming, my walk is too much for her.  I try to take her on shorter excursions, without bikes, because the bike makes her twitch.  She hates riding.  She prefers to walk, but is much slower than I, and we have to take our time.  She has to be prepared for the walk, and she has to bring supplies, canteens, cell-phones, emergency rations and she's a lot like me.

 

All five of us (without Dad)  just "don't work" as a unit for exercise purposes.  Sure, we still do it for "fun," but if I want to have my actual exercise, I have to go on my own, or just with one or two kids, unless I claim STRESS as an AEROBIC EXERCISE.


This is my boy. I think he looks like his new baby cousin.

I didn't have a camera in 1999.  At least nothing beyond disposables.  So, here's the hospital pic of my boy.

I have to tell you I hate it when people do that.

"He has his grandmother's ________, and his great-uncle's ________!"

But, this new baby definitely smells of my boy.  I came home and dug up our newborn photos and while they are vastly different, sure, they have very distinct similarities.


Tuesday.

Weight - Didn't.

  • Unsweetened soy cappuccino + diet hot chocolate mix
  • 1 half crunchy Nature Valley Granola Bar (A child handed me this - why I ate it?  I don't know.)
  • Green salad, grated parmesan cheese, zero calorie dressing + six dark chocolate almonds
  • Burnt American cheese slices. (I call this "Cheese Crackers.")
  • Skim milk cappuccino.
  • Too many dark chocolate almonds. (220 calories a serving, 16 grams sugar serving, my hand was in the can at least four times today.)
  • Peanut butter crackers.  (200 calories)
  • Green salad repeat.