I haz it.
There isn't really any other way around it. We moved to a bigger house but in a location that doesn't make much sense. Let me put it this way: "You can't get there from here." You could, if you could drive. I am stuck, stuck, stuuuuuuck. I have been watching the ice outside, thinking that it will be easier once it's warm, that I could walk somewhere, but "You can't get there from here."
There are no destinations within walking distance from this house. Nothing. I am trying very hard not to bitch whine complain about it, because, I wanted to move into a larger house, but this was not what I had in mind, at all. Mr. MM was thinking that I would be driving again by now, and that we are well within a reasonable driving distance of many shopping centers, schools, and an hour from the city, where I go for appointments sometimes. I used to drive myself to Boston for meetings and appointments.
I can't even fathom that right now. I've blacked out behind the wheel and had too many seizures. I "can" drive again on April 15th, 2009 if I don't have another grand mal, but that is sort of ridiculous considering I still have un-diagnosed partial seizure issues.
I phase out during the day, I have ringing ears, I can't feel my hands, feet... stare off into la-la land for a minute, I have aphasia, cognitive problems, memory lapses, and what started this whole thing: those bizarre-o "swoosh" events that still have no rhyme or reason, when I start babbling and saying...
"I NEED SUGAR."
After which, I HAVE NO MEMORY. NOTHING. I come out of it - and I'm all - "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!" Driving + this particular symptom = not. okay.
You will find MM on the news.
"Woman crashes car after blacking out behind wheel, found pacing on the side of the road pacing and babbling incoherently."
That would be the best scenario.
I guess I need to just suck it up and deal with possibly not ever driving. Fine. I can. But. I cannot deal with living in the woods with no way out. I am not agoraphobic. I am not seclusive. I am not a hermit. Although, if you keep me trapped in the house for much longer, I will be. I need a plan. This SUCKS.
Okay, to look at the bright side of things, I have started a business, technically. I did - I am officially a small biz. I figured that if I were here, I would have to make do somehow. I started writing more. It's helped, quite a bit and I can only hope it takes shape somehow.
It's been a year. I am ready for a huge change. So? What of it? What now?
If money were not a consideration (and, it is) and I could just tell you what I want to do? I think we should live in a city somewhere - with public transport. (I know that sounds crazy, and some family thinks it is nuts. Probably because each of them can drive solo. BUT, what am I supposed to do? I cannot get my kids ANYWHERE.)
I would live in a city, assuming Mr. MM could find work there, and I would want to work, part time out of the house in a field related to "THIS," but need not be out, if I had the options to get out, know what I'm sayin'? I am content doing "this." This is fine. In fact, I want to do a lot more of "this," in various forms. I can do most of it from my house - BUT - I need more everything than what is available online and in my very small circle of influence in my neighborhood. I can't even get to Whole Foods, and that's not good for a blogger who likes to review health foods.
See?
