I resolve to...

There's still time for resoluting, that's a verb and I made it up just now.  I think I told you before that I do not so much make resolutions because I am not so great at follow-through.  However I could maybe do it in reverse and make anti-resolutions!

I COULD RESOLVE TO:

• Gain weight.
• Start smoking.
• Eat more fast food.
• Take up drinking alcohol regularly.
• Drink more caffeinated beverages, maybe start on Mountain Dew, less water.
• Stop taking vitamins.

You see - I think I could actually follow through with those - in reverse - I won't do it.

But if I write down that I am going to

• "Lose weight."
• "Get more exercise."
• "Eat less carbohydrates."
• "Eat more real whole veggies and fruit."
  
• "DRINK PLAIN WATER."

I don't do it.  I just sort of tread water and do nothing. 

I don't really do anything bad, I just sort of stagnate. 

I drink tea, coffee, Diet Coke, and I eat cheese, protein bars, chocolate and bits of whole grain carbs.

I maintain. 

MM is not here eating Cheetos (tried them once this year, nearly died) and drinking Frappuccinos.

My blood sugar is 'okay' and has been, because I eat all day long, it's the defense mechanism I have learned. 

• Eat constantly = happy fat hypo. 
• Eat never = happy cranky miserable hypo. 
• Eat meals = hypo in a coma. 

In the bigger picture of WLS, I am a "good patient."  I know I break the rules,  (I know I make some of the newbies CRINGE with my rule busting) but overall, I am doing alright.  Most of us fail by five years.  I am at five years in two months.  If I screw this up in 8-10 weeks, kill me now.

But.  It's still not good enough.  It never is.  I'm not eating well.  I need better nutrition, I am not going to bitch about my weight, because I will hear the line:  "You don't need to lose any weight,"  but I am technically still overweight, and I have been forever.

• I am not-resolving to eat better.
• I am not-resolving to lose weight while doing so.
• I am not-resolving to get my blood moving while exercising in some fashion in my home - because outdoor exercise is just.not.feasible in the next few months.  It's cold.  We moved.  This road is SCARY.

I am resolving - resoluting! - to get healthy - and - to write about it - whether you like it or not.  I have a feeling '09 is going to be an interesting ride.

Comments

[Jennifer Berry]

LOVE IT!!
I have made no effort to come up with a resolution. I have enough guilt in my life so I don't need to actually write a list of things to make myself feel guiltier when I don't follow thru.
I figure 2009 can't be worse than 2008 unless someone dies so onward and upward.

[mistletoes]

Beth,

You're so pretty and funny and you look damn thin as far as I can tell...

You are technically overweight?? Perhaps you have insanely dense bones or your intestines are backed up or something because you do not look one ounce too heavy!

Focusing on your health as a priority will pay off in spades, so I think that's an excellent decision. I hope you get some answers this year, Beth...

My goal is to get back to daily yoga... It's fallen by the wayside and I've become a grouchy beast...

Love,
Mistletoes

[Sarah]

We all use different tools but your maintenance is admirable. Keeping it off is the hardest and I can't imagine doing it with your restrictions on food. Three cheers to you at 5 years out! I think you have clearly found something that works for you. Poop on everyone who cringes at that.