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April 2010 posts

Your mom goes to college.

I'm matriculating.  That sounds naughty.  (And, I would like to know why Zemanta - the plug in that I have added that adds the links lately, is offering to add a photo of the POPE to this post?)

I just got off the phone with the financial aid advisor, and I was able to get enough Financial Aid to cover at least part time courses for this year.  Next year, perhaps three-quarter time and maybe then full-time courses, and so on.  Frankly, I'm surprised.  But, it's covered in full!

Part-time is good.  Considering my likelihood of walking away from the computer and sometimes not having 100% attention, tasks may take me extra time.

The first class, is a class on how to teach me how to take a class.  That will do.

After that, delving into topics around:  Advertising.  

Advertising Degree

Bachelor of Science Degree Online Program

Are you surprised?  Did you think I would choose Animal Husbandry?

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I am a marketing genius. Who has the capital?

I currently have a huge pile of sopping wet laundry on the basement floor.  Because, I washed it with a clean night-time diaper.  If you don't have kids, haven't had the experience of throwing a kid in a diaper in a tub/pool/ocean or letting a diaper get TOO WET?  It's a mess.  The absorbent gel from inside the diaper, comes out, looks like little crystals, and goes everywhere.  And, when you put one in the washing machine?  It's super fun!


Hydrogels are hydrophilic polymer networks that are able to swell and retain large amounts of water and maintain their three-dimensional structures. The term Hydrogel is used at the same time for the dry substance and for the water charged gel. These polymers do not dissolve in water; upon swelling, they increase in volume, but keep their shape without breaking up. Hydrogels could be divided into Super Absorbent Polymer (SAPs) and Super Porous Hydrogels (SPHs). In general, the amount of water absorbed by the hydrogel is at least 20% of its total weight,, but SAPs are able to absorb large amount of liquid, up to 200%. The Super Porous Hydrogel, instead, is a 3-dimensional network of polymer that absorbs a large amount of water (up to 400%) in a very short period of time, due to the presence of interconnected microscopic pores.
Responsive hydrogels can reversibly change volume in response to slight changes in the properties of the medium including pH, temperature, electric field, ionic strength, salt type, solvent, external stress, or light.
Responsive hydrogels found many different applications because of their interesting properties: as a super absorbent material in diaper, as insulator construction materials, as water retention material in agricultural applications, in showing to obtain the artificial snow, in cosmetic and pharmaceutics industry, in artificial organs and tissue engineering, in wound dressings and in fire protection. Most hydrogels are highly bio compatible and have extremely low toxicity to the human body, eg, hydrogel products such as contact lenses and surgical dressings are being used successfully.

Disposable diaper, size 12-25kg/26-55lb.Image via Wikipedia  


Re-formulate and repackage the water soluble diaper gels as a weight loss product.   

  • Expands INSTANTLY with moisture added!
  • Blocks your stomach capacity!
  • Binds you up for HOURS!
  • Renders you digestively useless until it passes!

How could one NOT lose weight?


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Would she have the DS again?

A video from Lori - several years post op after her duodenal switch - a very realistic view of her feelings of life now.  This is awesome to see - because she's telling the truth.  

If you listen carefully - many of the same foods that bother her as a DS'er are the same issues that bother me as a roux en y gastric bypass post op.  

And, clearly, she's much, much thinner.  ;)

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I failed my test.

I failed wait, it's a good result, actually, if that makes any sense for my mixed meal blood testing.   Picture 89
I picked a DEFINITE TRIGGER FOOD - a glazed cake donut - and ate as much of it as I felt comfortable eating without dropping dead.  Someone on Facebook asked:  "Why would you do that to yourself?"  Um, because, it's a DEFINITE TRIGGER FOOD.  I WANTED A REACTION.  I wanted my blood sugar to DROP DRAMATICALLY LOW.   I don't make a habit of eating donuts, even if I post about that kind of thing, often.  (It's usually just to piss you off.)

 My blood sugar went from 80 > *ate a donut* > 193 > 67.   IN THREE FREAKING HOURS.  That's it?  That's all you have?

I drop to the 30's when I eat cereal.  I am less than impressed with my body today.  The cut-off for this test is 55 mg. of blood glucose.  I never dropped that low, CRAZY!

The endocrinologist suggested that it's possible that a single food, a single time, while sitting and not doing anything isn't enough.  Had I been home, cleaning house, out walking, or had eaten in a pattern, I'd likely have DROPPED INTO A COMA.  (My words.)  

I often drop on much less, much, much quicker.  

This was the longest three hours of my life.  At least this time, I did not shit my pants, or have a seizure. 

I guess it wasn't a total fail.  (I mean, I passed.  My body did the RIGHT THING.)  LOL.

The treatment is the same, regardless, since I still have a serious problem.  Dietary controls and medication.  I am not seeking further pancreas testing at this time, it doesn't look like I am dealing with an insulinoma that would be removed surgically.

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At the risk of making my daughter hate me: BIEBER FEVER!


Hey yo, its me again. Im everywhere and 
Im still rockin lesbian hair

Im on your T.V. Im on your phone
I declare this world a Bieber zone

Im made of cupcakes, ice cream, and flowers
Young girls are helpless to my dark powers

They cant stop screaming they dont know why
They pee their pants then they fall down and cry

All these shorties got Bieber Bieber Fever 
They love me like Milfs love Derek Jeter

I got em drooling like golden retrievers
They all bow down to me cus I am their leader

It starts with screaming, and OMGing
Followed by weeping and lots of tweeting

Once theyre infected they are insane
The only cure is to disable the brain

I hate this pop crap, I like to rock
Hes worse than Backstreet Brothers on the Block.

Hes aint so bad, he could be worse. (He becomes hypnotized)
I think I love him. 

(Hes now hypnotized as well) Hey, I saw him first!

If your daughter catches Bieber Bieber fever 
Chop off her head with a meat cleaver 

Can adults contract Bieber fever?

Yes! But its mostly single moms and substitute teachers.

Lil Wayne
Weezy F. Baby and you know Im paid
I dont want to drink no Bieber Kool aid

I sip on syrup and smoke that Cheeba
Im way too gangta for Justin Bieber

I dont want to do a do a duet 
This little motherfuckers gonna ruin my rep

Every rapper has to do a song with this cutie
Its the hip-hop version of jury duty

Ill never sell out, cus Im little Wheezy
Im feeling light headed and a little queasy

Wanna carry you around on my shoulders
And tattoo your name up on my shoulders

You could be my little caucasian brother
If we go to the movies do we have to bring Usher?

I got a baby mama but I want to leave her
Cus I gotta bad case of the Bieber Fever

Bieber Bieber Fever
Now the whole planets got Bieber Fever
The streets will flow with blood of the non-believers

Theres no defense against Bieber Fever 

Bieberback, Bieberback. Bieberback, ribs. Yummy.

Larry and Beth get a DO OVER.

 Picture 88   Picture 87 

Savannah Morning News -

As of last week, the Tiptons had 221 subscribers to their YouTube channel.

Many of them have had gastric bypass or lap-band surgery or are considering having it, Larry Tipton said.

And many of them, like the Tiptons, had it covered by their health insurance.

They've met many of their fellow video bloggers at a number of "meet and greets" hosted by some of them around the country.

The Tiptons rented space at the Holiday Inn to host their own meet and greet last weekend. About 100 people gathered to meet the faces behind many of the online personae and stories.

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Two Fatties On A Mission Drop 220 Pounds

  Does this work?

Click to see full size.

Two Fatties On A Mission!

 Together they've lost more than 220 pounds.  WAY TO GO LADIES!

Jen (L)

"I am Jen "the other fattie" lol. I had my Gastric By-pass surgery on November 9th 2009. When I began my journey a year ago I was approx 250, I struggled losing the wieght they asked me to, and actually gained another 10-15lbs. But by October 09 I was 240ish and they scheduled me. Im not going to lie and say that the journey has been easy because anyone who has travelled the same path will tell you its the most difficult but the most rewarding as well. As of today the scale read 166.."

Brooke -  (R)

"I'll never forget this date: January 31, 2008. I was sick and went to my doctor who asked me to "hop up on the scale." It read 285. I was shocked and disgusted with myself. I told my doctor that my weight was really getting to me and all the previous things we tried (including prescribed weight loss pills) were not working. I walked out with a phone number for a bariatric doctor and had surgery on May 5th.


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'Skinny dream' burst by weight loss realities For many, expectations of a new life don’t match the reality

I love this:  "“I think fat people are sold a fantasy, and then get no support in the reality, because we’re simply supposed to be grateful that we’re no longer fat,” 

MSNBC - Joan Raymond

  Image: Jen Larsen

If thin equals happy, Jen Larsen should be on cloud nine.

Larsen, 36, of Ogden, Utah, was the fat child. The fat teen. The fat adult. Four years ago, Larsen hit a high of 316 pounds and when diet after diet failed she opted for bariatric surgery. By all measures, the procedure was textbook perfect. The 5-foot-7-inch Larsen is now a slim 140 pounds.

Life, she says, is simpler: she has more energy; her knees feel better; her back doesn’t hurt. And study after study shows she has slashed her risk for life-threatening health conditions like heart disease, cancer and diabetes. But a funny thing happened on the way to becoming a size 8: No matter how much Larsen shrank, her troubles stayed the same size.

“It (weight loss) hasn't solved all my problems or made me a better person, just a littler one,” Larsen says.

Read the entire article here.

Hyperinsulinemic Hypoglycemia Following Gastric Bypass - Testing

by Mary-Elizabeth Patti, MD 
via Joslin Diabetes Center, Boston, MA

(I captured the slides from a PPT presentation, there's lots of juicy information in there.)

I am headed to Tufts for a Mixed Meal blood lab on Wednesday.  

This means, I have to eat something that I know will trigger me into a low.  

That's easy as pie.  Err, not pie, but likely two frozen waffles, or a cup of Kashi, or a half stick donut from Dunkin' Donuts.  Those are known assailants.  The endocrinologist wants to prove that I will drop under 50-55 mg after a "mixed meal."

You may recall I did this EXACT TEST a few years ago, with a liquid meal, and I did not get very hypoglycemic, though I got horrifically sick to my stomach and had partial complex seizures.  (Which were undiagnosed at the time, because I thought it was "hypoglycemia.")

(But, I am glad to do it again, to prove that it still happens, it's OBVIOUSLY A PROBLEM, and that it could very well be the cause of why MM has had several car accidents and countless seizures even if MD's believe that hypoglycemia is the trigger of anything.  That's just MY theory 'cause I live in this body.  But, to be frank, it makes me a little sick to think that, "What if I was right?  What if I find out that these seizures ARE because of the blood sugar, and nobody listened to me?"   

I'm over here swallowing 11 anti-seizure pills, and the neurologist twice has suggested brain surgery.  Yeah, you didn't know about that.

One hour after 1/2 c Kashi and 4 oz sugar free pudding. Thumbs up.

PS.  You know, I am reading back into my archives, looking for those trigger meals?  With the photos, and I realized, I don't test much.  I am so medicated, that I rarely "feel" lows until I am cuckoo.  

I don't eat poorly enough to GET that low, either, but I'm not pricking my finger, because when I feel out of it, I'm OUT OF IT.

PPSS.  Or whatever.  I pricked myself now- because - I am a little edgy and pacy - one of my early signs that I should probably test because I am either going down or will have a seizure.  Three strips later, and three error messages?  LOL.  Nevermind.

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Frustration, window shopping at Torrid and $89.50 Lane Bryant Jeans.

  Picture 79

(Wicked cute shirts @ Torrid.com)

We have dug through my oldest daughter's clothing again, and it's glaringly apparent that she's in serious need of new clothes, namely, pants. (Every six months or so, we dig and donate.  What we cannot pass down, we give away.)

I've made this post at LEAST six times in the last few years, because it always lands me in the same place, searching online for her unique size. 

She announced last night, that she is "probably got only one pair of jeans that I'll wear, because the rest just don't fit right."  And, she produced one pair.  The rest?  Don't fit right.  Including?  $72.00 Lane Bryant Jeans that I bought in the fall.  

She's not gained weight, she's gotten taller, so sizes haven't really changed, but she will only wear What Feels Right.  I get that.  But.  DAMN IT, there's no easy way to buy clothing when you aren't a size 0-13 in juniors.  NOTHING FITS.  

I say it every time, but WHO MAKES CLOTHES FOR KIDS LIKE US?  (I was one, you probably were too, where did you shop? Hello Lane Bryant!  I worked there for the discount!)  

There is no shortage of rounded pre-teens in her school, and nobody is naked, where on earth are they buying clothes?  My daughter confided that one of her best friends buys mens' PAC SUN tee-shirts because they look trendy enough and bulky enough, so that she doesn't feel exposed. 

She's at the age where she really has to pick her own stuff out.  I can't do it.  I need her to choose, so I told her to g'head and Google.  She was disgusted to say the least, at what she found when she searched for "plus size clothes."  I told her to try "plus size juniors" and we landed on Torrid.com.  Again.

Torrid, much of it, not appropriate for her, but some could work, namely tee shirts, hoodies and jeans.  It's just the $500.00 shopping cart she loaded in 20 minutes, and then asked me to "just enter your credit card now, okay?"

I had to explain that I "don't use credit cards, so when I have the cash in my bank account, I will check over your shopping cart and order what I can, okay?"

Again, I just want to voice my frustration at the lack of CHOICE out there for plus sized girls and teenagers.  I would REALLY prefer to avoid dragging out the Woman Within catalog, and putting her in fucking polyester pant sets.  


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See what happens? I mention something....an almost FREEBIE!

 And... this!  It's sucking me back!  $15 for THREE DAYS!  This is insanely cheap.  DO IT.  

If you decide to sign up after your almost freebie, please use my code:  "MeltingMam" (Leave the 'a' off) for a discounted rate.  Eventually I can get a discount, perhaps.  LOL.

The Fresh Diet   Special offer for new facebook fans: 
Try The Fresh Diet for 3 days FREE (Save over $100!). 
No strings attached. Just pay $15 (pays for hand delivery by our drivers). 
48 Hours only. Ends midnight 4/28. 
Use promo code FACE426 to get your 3 days free! 
New customers only please.
Fresh Diet


Butter and a butter knifeImage via Wikipedia

I have recently dropped a few pounds.  

After the Fresh Diet (tear) debacle, I sort of cut back on my intake.  Of?  

Butter.  Eww, Beth, what?  Consider that I WILL NOT eat bread, bagels, english muffins, or other simple carbohydrates without real or very close to real butter.  

I am not a fan of fake butter.  I will use spray, on foods like green beans, not hot steaming bagels, it just makes them MOIST.  

Butter spray is mostly WATER.  I no like it.  I use way too much of it to get the taste to consider it a healthy food.

But, enter toasted carbs and in comes REAL, STICKS of COAGULATED PAULA DEEN LUBE.  I love butter.  Always have, always will.

However, I noticed, if there is no salted butter defrosted and available, guess what?  I don't make any toast.  I don't want it, if I can't have the butter.  I could CARE LESS about the toast.  

In an attempt to be "good" - I swapped out my <3 for bagels to the Thomas' Bagel Thins.  While they are NOTHING AT ALL LIKE BAGELS, they have done the trick.  When I have to have a little something, it's worked.

Until this morning's smell-o-blog with Pioneer Woman and the freaking Cinnamon Toast.  I WANT IT NOW.  I am biting the corner off my Mac screen.  No, I am restraining myself from making it.  But, I WILL NOT show Mr. because he WILL.  RAAR!

  4553067902_bbcd874a71_o (1)

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100 Failed Lap Bands Intra-Operative Video (Mmm.)

After I posted this, I was tweeted @ by another gastric surgeon, that it might not be appropriate, because it might make the mini-gastric-bypass look like a miracle cure or something. That is SO not my intention. You know I do not promote weight loss surgery procedures. I thought the video was interesting, especially in the way he explained the gastric banding failures. That's all.


189 - 176 = 13.

That's a start.

From the place from whence I screamed and threw the scale and refused to stand on it again until just now.

My daughter just made this for me.