THROW YOUR SCALE. Throw mine. Please.

22 January 2012

I am several days into journaling my food intake.

This is what I do when I get on the scale and scream -- I stop, drop and immediately start writing down WHAT IS GOING IN MY MOUTH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I recently gained weight, after maintaining for what felt like forever.

My last legit weigh in that I posted was in the summer.

I posted about being 161 pounds. And, I'd been about that size for more than a year. I averaged about 165 for a very long time.

Given, it was during a very stressful time last spring and early summer, and I bottomed out a little bit as high-stress makes me eat less. Which stinks, because medium stress -- makes me stare in the fridge repeatedly looking for a snack to jump out at me. If I could find a way to mimic the anti-snacking effects of a high-stress situation? I'd have the cure to obesity, but everybody would be freaking out or twitching. So there's that.

I moved out of my house in August, after a few highly-charged stressful months, and was eating less. I spent from that day until late December in an apartment. During that time, I rarely cooked meals, unless the whole family was getting together for dinnertime. I was on my own during school-days with my youngest, and at night, with just one or two kids. We would often eat a frozen dinners -- Lean Cuisine became a staple very quickly, as did canned or frozen soup, or my standby turkey on light wheat sandwiches.

My weight was stable for quite a while, without any journaling or really paying any attention to intake. Frankly, I expected to gain weight after I moved out, as I had never been on my own before; I thought I'd be packing 96 ounce bags of M + M's in the cabinets and grazing my way through them. I didn't, I actually did okay on my own. I could have used the time to actually do BETTER and lose back to my "goal" weight, but... I wasn't thinking about weight at all. Maybe that is part of a cure as well -- not worrying about weight -- it remained pretty stable.

At some point in the fall it was decided that I would move home, and I started spending weekends here at the house and school days at the apartment.

I moved home just before Christmas and simply dropped back into the regular routine of housework and meals. At the same time, I have I also stopped taking one of my medications, which may have dampened my appetite even if I did not realize the change.

When I weighed in very recently and saw a major jump in pounds on the scale and again died internally for half a second because WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Oh, at about the same time I stopped taking TOPAMAX. Crap.

Yes, this stuff that causes --

Numbness and tingling Fatigue

Taste change
Some people on TOPAMAX may have taste changes where food or drink tastes differently. This has been reported with carbonated beverages, for example.

Weight loss
Some people may have weight loss while taking TOPAMAX. This seems to be related to the dose of TOPAMAX taken.

Difficulty with concentration/attention and difficulty with memory

I, uh, had all of that. I do not miss the feet tingling, but, the weight maintanence was lovely. So. Perhaps my recent gain is partly (no, I cannot blame the drug in full...) due to the medication loss as much as moving home and making dinner.

While writing my food intake down, I don't feel like much has really changed in my routine -- I eat relatively the same ALL THE TIME. I have a few days that are "low" in calories, and many that are "moderate," and sometimes I'm quite naughty, but never THAT high. Compared to some post-ops, I eat a lot of food -- but compared to others -- I eat nothing. It's all so individual. For me, I stand by the 10 calories per pound of body weight as a relatively sedantary person -- I seem to maintain on 10 calories per pound more or less. 160 = 1600 calories *MOST of the time.

That said, I *am* tracking my intake daily right now.

I noticed that tracking immediately stops me from grabbing a million excess bites and needless snacks -- if for nothing else -- because I do not want to write them down! (Note: I still DO grab bites and snacks, I've always eaten many meals a day.)

The damage -

First scary weigh in 176 lbs. (Yes, I died again. I am like a cat, I have many lives.) And, I started tracking my food soon thereafter.

Hey, WAIT! I could get a band at this weight! O-O

Yesterday 171 lbs. (-5)
Today 173 lbs. (+2)

First of all - what have we learned in the years of weight loss and maintainance?

The scale lies.

I have eaten less calories than usual for nearly a week, and there is NO PHYSICAL WAY that I have "gained" weight overnight. I know better than that. The scale may not define my success YESTERDAY, or any other day.