Wise words from Al Roker: Never trust a fart.
BBGC Meets Al Roker and Forces Him To Sign A Book. <3

Trigger warning - Aspire Assist Aspiration Therapy - Sucking vomit out of a tube for weight loss.

"Losing weight shouldn’t take the fun out of life – dinners out with friends, a glass of wine with dinner, or a home-cooked meal with your family. With the AspireAssist, there are no burdensome restrictions on what and when you can eat and drink. Continue to eat the foods you love – and as you start to lose weight, gradually learn how to make healthy choices to match your leaner, healthier body!"

With the Aspire Assist Aspiration Therapy System, you can STILL EAT the foods you crave!  Want that half-gallon of ice cream?  Feel free to dig in!

Nom those noms!

Just twenty minutes after your meal -- you can discreetly withdraw a portion (OF VOMIT) of your partially digested meal THROUGH YOUR ABDOMEN and dispose of it without the hassle of you know:  lower digestion,  fecal production and weight gain!

Digestive_enzymes

I thought this was an article from The Onion.

It's not.  It's for real.

Jezebel -

Dean Kamen, the inventor of the Segway, a machine that exists to stop people from walking, has teamed up with Aspire Bariatrics (that name — shudder) to apply for a patent on a pump that will suck food and beverage straight out of your stomach and rids it from your intestines/life.

Please hold me again.  I'm a Bariatric Patient that is FUCKING TERRIFIED by the thought of giving people the opportunity for controlled bulimia.  I am still wary that this can't be for real -

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The Aspire Assist Aspiration Therapy System works by reducing the calories absorbed by the body. After eating, food travels to the stomach immediately, where it is temporarily stored and the digestion process begins. Over the first hour after a meal, the stomach begins breaking down the food, and then passes the food on to the intestines, where calories are absorbed. The AspireAssist allows patients to remove about 30% of the food from the stomach before the calories are absorbed into the body, causing weight loss.
To begin Aspiration Therapy, a specially designed tube, known as the A-Tube™, is placed in the stomach. The A-Tube is a thin silicone rubber tube that connects the inside of the stomach directly to a discreet, poker-chip sized Skin-Port on the outside of the abdomen. The Skin-Port has a valve that can be opened or closed to control the flow of stomach contents. The patient empties a portion of stomach contents after each meal through this tube by connecting a small, handheld device to the Skin-Port. The emptying process is called “aspiration”.
The aspiration process is performed about 20 minutes after the entire meal is consumed and takes 5 to 10 minutes to complete. Because aspiration only removes a third of the food, the body still receives the calories it needs to function. For optimal weight loss, patients should aspirate after each major meal (about 3 times per day)  GAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! initially. Over time, as patients learn to eat more healthfully, they can reduce the frequency of aspirations.
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