melting mama

Horrible Fast Food Ideas

 

But, but?  

 
 

• Read more: http://www.cracked.com/photoshop_132_horrible-fast-food-ideas-that-cant-be-too-far-off/#ixzz0uL0sjjyd 

Aunt Jemima Bacon Pancakes

 
 Maybe you're all like, "OMG, she's posting about BACON, AGAIN?!"  Yeah.  I do post about the bacon a lot.  It's my THING.  I don't really eat it, so I might as well post about it.  ;)  If I posted about WHAT I REALLY DID EAT?  You would be bored out of your gawd damn mind.  "OMG, this string cheese is SFG!"  Yeah, that's, fun?

With that - I give you - Aunt Jemina's Bacon Pancakes. 

Bacon Strip Pancakes

(4 servings)

• 12 slices of bacon
• 2 cups prepared pancake batter 
• softened butter
• maple syrup 

 
From Mr. Breakfast - http://mrbreakfast.com/superdisplay.asp?recipeid=2853# 

These are the original instructions from a 1962 magazine ad for Aunt Jemima pancake mix:

"Just about the best breakfast that ever greeted a hungry family! And it's as easy as this: Shake up Aunt Jemima batter according to package directions. Place cooked bacon strips on the griddle and pour batter over each strip. Bake 'em golden brown on both sides. Couldn't be easier - couldn't taste better! How about Aunt Jemima Bacon Strip Pancakes at your house tomorrow!"

To make it WLS Friendly?  All you have to really do: is substitute the pancake mix with a low-carb mix, and use a tiny bit of sugar-free syrup.  Don't you DARE put turkey bacon in here, however.  Butter?  That's up to you.  (I say, yes.)

Could it BE?

Maple Bacon, COFFEE?   Um, I'm a little intrigued, a little disgusted, and a lot laughing.

Of Sausages and Seizing and Brain Surgery and Revision and Stupid People.

  

How to pass out!

Eat about 3/4 serving of instant grits.

I thought I would avoid the carbohydrate coma by adding protein and fat, but, it was a big fat fail.  I ate the grits with crumbled bacon bits and light butter at 11am, and had to lay down and was out of it until about 2pm.  

Good times.

Yes, I know better, yes, I have eaten this same food at least 5-10 times before with the same result, but I thought THIS TIME IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT!  THIS TIME!  BACON WOULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER!  HA.  My body says FUCK THE BACON, I WILL SHOW YOU!

Newbies, close your eyes:  Tell me this, I can eat and ENTIRE BLOCK OF RAMEN NOODLES WITH ZERO RAMIFICATIONS?  But, 1/4 cup of GRITS sends me to bed?   I puffy heart love my WLS!

Old Dirty Bastard and Bacon Donuts? Or, This Is Why Your Fat.

Disclaimer: You should already know this, but I share because of my pop-culture type love of all things BACON. I am not condoning the practice of EATING BIG MOFO DONUTS. Although.

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Stuff it with BACON.

Stuff my stocking with this, please.

Ooh, Crafty!

 

Chocolate Bacon Not-Gingerbread House.  This festive craft is different, I might be able to assemble without eating the frosting and getting sick in the process.  

Except this part. I might want to gnaw on the roof.

 
 

Paula Deen's Eyeballs Caused Temporary Insanity

Don't ask how it got here, but I have a copy of Paula Deen's Holiday Baking magazine.  

I think I purchased it because the front cover scared the shit out of me with her photoshopped eyeballs, or Mr. did to send the subliminal message to BakeMoahCookiezPlz.  (I'm not.  None.  Not at all.  If Santa gets any cookies, they are to be purchased That. Day. at the bakery.) 

Is please to gaze into the spherical blueness.  "You are getting hypgglycemic..."

I flipped through the magazine to see all the goodies I won't be making, and I saw Bacon Salt!  I was like, "Hey!  Look!  They have made it to the big time!  Paula Deen Is Pimping Bacon Salt!"

Click here for All things Bacon Salt.

  

Toddlers and Tiaras, anyone?
 

Halloween Night's Protein

6 Creepy Halloween Meatloafs (Loaves?)