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Twelve hundred

I've been food journaling.

Here is the damage.  

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That's about 1500 - 1700 calories a day, with nearly everything in my apathy diet included.

I am remaining in the 170 - 173 pound spot.  Obviously, this calorie range keeps me squarely in this weight range.  (I have been here for a year and a half?)

I go from 170 to 175.  I get excited to see 1-6-9, and then, poof, right back into 170's.  I have always shared (in my BBGC support group) that I believe in 10 - 12 calories per pound maintains my size.

Which also means, if I am EVER going to shake off this excess, I must drop back the calories OR ramp up my daily activity by at least 500 - 700 calories per day.  

HUGE APATHETIC SIGH FILLED WITH TOAST.  "BUT I DON'T WANNNNNNAAAAAA EAT LESS."  I have become way too comfortable with over-eating.  I can eat me some 1700 calories with ease.  I can polish off a bowl of Anycarbs! like nobodies business.  Hand me Anycarbs! (...except cereal and milk, gag) and I'll overeat it for you!  

What made me realize this?  One of my daughters decided to start looking at portions.  She pulled out the measuring cups.  And DOG KNOWS I AM A PROFESSIONAL MEASURER OF ALL THINGS NUTRITIVE and I can tell you how many calories are in all the things -- but -- do I bother measuring my own foods? 

Nah.  scoop scoop scoop 

When I looked at her wee bowl of pasta and realized (for the millionth time) that 1/2 cup of pasta is only > this < much?  And I have been serving myself with > this < much stomach + THIS MUCH + just because it's there?  Thud.

Last night while watching My 600 LB Life -- I noted that Dr. Now puts all the patients on a 1200 calorie diet.  It works.  What I am doing, is not working.  It's maintaining my obesity.  What does this mean for me?  I am going to make a conscious effort to aim for 1200 calories.  I know that my aiming for that I may or may not - but it's not a huge deal.  If I can hit it some days, I'll make progress.  My goal is 150 pounds, so a loss of 20 pounds. To do that, I'll need to CUT THE CARBS back.  I may need to cut out a meal or snack or three.  Add shakes in?  Maybe.  I haven't "dieted" in so very long it's hard to even consider?  I see lots of my online friends having great success with super low carb plans, some even KETO, but, I need something that is very flexible - even - ready to go - with no planning.  I'm just ... chaotic.  But I'll follow anything and be likely to succeed if I can get with it, you know?

Are you following any plans right now?  Do you have excess weight to lose?  


That time I shamefully admit I was lazy.

excess arm skin
December 2013
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February 2014
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Current

This is that moment where I put my tail between my legs and come to you and say it -- because this is what I Need To See - Proof That A Thing Works?

I have a very literal type brain.  (More on that later this year.  I promise you. My next appointment is Valentine's Day.)

Left-vs-right-brain-mix11
Figure out where Beth's seizure focus is?

I must have proof of a thing in order to believe it.  I do not blindly follow anything without seeing results, documents, charts that show me "IF YOU DO X, Y will be yours."  This is why I am a hard "sell" and you rarely see reviews here anymore.  (More on that, coming, too.)

In 2012 I was in a regain pattern and found myself hitting a high weight that I could not imagine after RNY.

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Regain, 2012

I refused to allow it although I know realistically it is possible.  I've been there before.  And knowing that I need to eat food  -- I realised I needed to do something different because obviously eating as much food as I want/need to and not moving my ass was no longer working.

I added a little bit of exercise -- and I saw a little bit of endurance increase.  And I struggled to keep going, and keep at it and now I finally see body results.  

The scale is in solid maintenance mode.  I see range of up 5 lbs down 5 lbs up 5 lbs down lbs every single month.  But I guarantee my muscle mass is increasing.  I will get a new assessment done at some point to ensure this -- and see because I am interested in knowing the percentage of change.

This is where those people who used to scream at me to MOVE MY ASS get to say, "WE TOLD YOU SO."  I did not listen.  I was (...somewhat, but not really) lazy.  I thought I could get away with just "eating okay" and being relatively active.  

Nope.  I am proof it (...sitting on your ass) doesn't work.  


That time I relived the Presidential Physical Fitness Test

"So you're a blogger, are you going to write about this?"

"If I told you..."

I might have already put it on Facebook because I have compulsive posting issues. 

I had my Very First Fitness Profile At A Gym yesterday.  

Just Because Someone Has Bariatric Surgery - It Does Not Make Them A Magical Athlete Who Runs Marathons, Lifts Weights Or Even Gives A Flying Fuck About Doing These Things.

"But all the people on the Facebooks -- they post photos of the try-athelete-a-thons -- and the Things They Can Do Just Six Weeks After Surgery,  and all their new muscles and how they can make it rain, and Why Can't I?"

No.  It is not *typical.

Here comes Beth -- pissing on your surgiversary parade again.  Boo-hoo.  This is my opinion only.  If you do not like it, fine.

However individuals that have bariatric surgery -- they are tore up.  One does not go from super morbid obesity to Athlete! *with added sparkles and instant motivation* overnight.  It just does not happen that way.   

Sometimes it takes a very long time to get some any motivation, inspiration to get your butt off the couch and do something anything!  In my experience over the past ten years post weight loss surgery:  motivation comes cyclically and there's always an underlying trigger and goal.

For a select few post WLS patients, just losing weight is enough of a motivation to get going.  You see this in the "honeymoon stage" of weight loss repeatedly - people get all sorts of excited during the rapid stages of weight loss and sign up for their gym - get into a class - buy a piece of equipment for home use - sign up for their first walk, run, "I did my first 5K!"  These kind of things are all common.

For me, this happened ever-so-briefly.  I got out and walked miles and miles and miles to the Black Eyed Peas - it was 2005.  I reached to my "goal" weight.  We joined the YMCA.  Things were going swimmingly in All Things Weight Loss!

But you know what - life happens sometimes.  

"WHAT IS THIS THING YOU CALL LIFE?!?!  HOW DARE IT INTERFERE WITH MY SIZE 6 PANTS?!"

Shit happens.  You deal.

I threw away my size six pants, bought maternity pants, and she's now seven. (And cute.  We'll keep her.) However that wasn't the only Life That I Got.  My life imploded at about the same time - and I haven't had a normal living/working situation since.  

Again, I'll say this:  

Shit happens.  You deal.  (OR.  You don't.  And it's pretty obvious when you aren't.)

Mostly?

My weight chart reflects the ... mostly.

It looks like a bad ride on the rollercoaster until about one year ago.  

And you know some health-coach-wannabe posted that on my weight chart a few years ago - and I nearly tore her head off.  It was truth.  

My weight chart reflects that I was not dealing very well with my shit.

That kind of honesty hurts sometimes - and I am sorry if it bothers you.  But we - as former current-always-cycling-obese folks (...I will always be a big girl) wear our issues.  When I stop weighing myself, checking in with my jeans-that-should-fit, eating as I know I should, I need to check MYSELF. 

Weight is very personal.  Let me repeat this.  When I stop weighing MYSELF - it means something is out of balance.  It means FOR ME - that I have made a choice to stop doing something right elsewhere:  usually my eating choices.   To be perfectly honest, it takes very little change in calories or types of food to increase my body weight at this stage so I notice upswings immediately.

(This is when the trainer reading this realizes he got way more than he bargained for.  Why did I ask for this URL!?)

A little more than a year ago - I was in a regain pattern.  I saw a number on the scale that frightened me.  (Personally.  We ALL have a number.  Your number may be different than my number may be different than her number.  I am five foot three, and my personal number was the qualifying number for WLS again.)  

I knew that something had to change and I knew that I had to do something different because I was stuck in a rut of this pattern up cycling up so many pounds and back down so many pounds.  

I have been a weight loss patient for many years - I know how to lose weight - goodness knows I can regain it - but - maintaining is different.  I had to think about it:  what haven't I done before?

Um.  #1 - Exercise on a regular basis.

*SHOCK AND AWE - GASP!*

No shit, right?  Nope.  My exercise motivation over the last ten years has been apathetic.  I have more excuses than most of you, honest.  I still do, and it's hardly worth throwing them out there because there are people out there with much bigger challenges than you or I - that are busting their butts - and we aren't.  

"What do you mean, EXCUSES, Beth?"

I can't drive a car, when I was diagnosed with intractible epilepsy I had to lose my drivers' license, I can't get to the gym on my own, I am not supposed to exercise near the road, I can't walk on my own, I have four kids, begging them to go is a pain... yadda yadda yadda...

And, the worst of all?

I. am. *lazy.  I have always been lazy.  I may always BE lazy.  I may never really enjoy Exercising On Purpose.  It may always feel like work to me.  

"Just put in a DVD."

That's where lazy comes in.  See?  That has happened maybe five times in my life -- and each of those times I ended up blogging about the video instead of working out.   TV + Me = No. 

So, there's that - I started moving my ass just a little bit.

It worked.  It did not take much.  I don't try very hard.  *See above, lazy.  I lost every pound of the regain, plus some, and I have maintained the loss for six months.  

*tiny party*

As for exercise - if you have been following me on Facebook - I try to get to the gym at least three days a week or more - it is increasingly difficult with my husband's work schedule and six of us in this house but we do what we can.  When I do get there - I aim for a full sixty minutes of cardio on a cross-trainer or elliptical machine, and sometimes another fifteen to thirty on another machine or treadmill at a lower intensity.  

I was not able to do that much exercise right away.  It was overwhelming to me -- which was why I started to write this post to begin with.  I started with FIVE MINUTES on the machine, many months ago and pushed through to where I am now.   Because you know what -- six months ago -- had you told me "Go do an hour on that machine --"  I'd have laughed at you.

That is why I am sharing - because - it's NOT too late to start.  I was nine years into my journey when I started "again."

#2 - Food journaling, eating of Le Crap.

*GASP!  What do you MEAN the Bad Girl Does Not Actually Eat Cupcakes?*

I cannot validate the caloric-cost.  Sorry.  I never really have.  To be honest:  I don't know why that was really ever equated with ME - because - I HATE CAKE.  If you knew me at all, you'll know that if we go to the local cupcakery  (1-2 times a year) they sell frosting shots, I buy ONE.  I put it in the freezer.  It's about 2 ounces of pure butter and sugar.  It's enough carbohydrates and fat to put a horse in a coma.   I am a SUGAR-CRACK-HEAD.   I dump on sugar.  Therefore, I can't, I don't.  But I would if I could.  I know myself.  I do not purchase nor eat much in the way of junk.  

Let me rephrase that: I eat a fair share of what I consider crap, I purchase none of it and I try hard not to allow a lot of stuff in my house.   I have a harder time avoiding it if it's in my face, I try to make choices based on what's left in my alloted calories for the day.   I do okay.

I aim for 1200-1400 calories, I land around 1400-1600 most days, some around 2000 calories.  

I journal about 60-75% of the time lately, days where I am distracted by stuff get forgotten (yesterday was totally lost...) and holidays tend to be screwed the heck up, but overall I have done okay with assessing my intake and my weight has stayed the same.

Where am I now?  Where do I "start?"

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I passed everything except flexibility - which may have sucked because I just had a brain angiogram and I have a plug in my groin.  LOL.  (I didn't tell the trainer that.)  However, that sit-reach thing brought back awful memories of elementary school and the Presidential Physical Fitness Test.  Blech.  I couldn't ...

I find this quite amusing -- the suggestions were to lose "two pounds of body fat" to be in the "fit" range, which I did by taking off my clothes and going potty this morning.  

I'm fit.  "I fit."  

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LMAO.  

And, to add resistance training - because my personal goal is to gain muscle mass and retain health. This is my start.

It's not too late.  Have you done a fitness profile?  

 

 

 


The Great Blog Loss of 2013

I got a comment via email yesterday and I couldn't respond to it because I have no internet connectivity.  

The commenter posted that my blog sucked lately and that Why Was That and did I plan on it sucking long time?  Well, that sounds ... dirty.  Is that better?  Innuendos help make a blog better long time?

I apologize.

I will tell you again (which I started to do so in the previous-but-now-deleted-post-which-abruptly-ended-and-was-posted-when-I-didn't-know-it-was-posted-because-I-had-a-seizure-mid-posting... Please excuse the previous three sentence post which is NOW GONE.) that I have been without any connection to the outside world since the Blizzard of 2013 and that's been more than a week. 

Shout out to Verizon!

Verizon-shutterstock-thumbsup

  • I have NO landline PHONE.
  • I have NO INTERNET aside from what I see scrolling on Facebook and what loads on Teh Googles when it wants to via phone cell tower.
  • I forced Mr. MM to buy a cell-phone hot-spot so I had internet access at all inside the house.  It doesn't work so well.  But, here I am.  It's worked for 300 words so far.  *hits save again*
  • I have NO cable TV, nor satellite, nor much of a DVD collection.
  • Did I mention there are four children here?  O-o
  • This IS the mini-apocalypse.  Forbid what happens when we have REAL WEATHER here.  9-10 days of power loss and communication fails for snow?  REALLY, 2013?
  • We have had ONE HALF DAY of school in the last 10 days, and now my kids on on VACATION.
  • The day after the blizzard, we had a death in the family, my kids had their first wake experience last night and funeral today.  (All is well, they did wonderfully...)
  • Are we having fun yet? 
MeNolEvEth
I can only claim the tall one. LOL.

I don't know what is going on in the world other than what I hear on NPR while cleaning my kitchen because that is where the non-internet radio IS.  

For example, during a post-wake gathering last night, my children and I surrounded a television that was on the local news.  

We saw an EXPLOSION IN THE SKY and thought the world was ending. WHAT IS THIS?!  WHAT WAS GOING ON!?  It was just the sky over Russia imploding, and very old news, but new to us. 

DSC_0568

 We might be losing it.  


OMG, SHE EATS TEH FOODZ. GASP.

This morning we went out to breakfast and I post a photo of my meal on Facebook.

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I sometimes do this, often to The Greater Distress Of The Internet.  

I asked the waitress for a "Egg White Veggie Frittata" though she didn't ask me white kind of anything I wanted with it -- so it just CAME with white toast.  I would have asked for extra MEAT on the side or whole grain toast.  So, this is not my normal, I don't typically do white bread.  That said, What You See Is What You Get.  I Ate Teh Foodz.  I also ate, not shown, two slices of bacon, after tossing aside the nasty-ass turkey bacon that was offered with this frittata.

The internet gets distressed when Weight Loss Surgery Patients Eat Teh Food.  The SOLIDS.  The Not A Shake.  

We hear --

  • "Did you really eat that?"
  • "Can you eat that?"
  • "Should you eat that?"
  • "Can you really eat white bread?  Eggs?  Bacon?  Vegetables?  ______?"
  • "Did you really use butter?"
  • "OMG, COFFEE?"
  • "Wait, you use CREAM?"
  • "What, no PROTEIN SHAKE?"
  • "Wait --- THOSE ARE CARBS!?!"
  • "OMG TOAST?!?!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!??!?!"
  • "I thought we could not have bread?"
  • "But, I was told no TOAST?"
  • "My surgeon told me no BREAD FOR LYYYFFFFEEEE!!!!"
  • Etc, etc.. so forth, so on.  

I have been getting these comments for as long as I have been blogging my intakes on the internets.

I had one person even offer the suggestion that my epilepsy (at the time, not diagnosed...) was Due To The Fact That I Ate Carbohydrates More Than She Was Suggested.

Here's a couple of  random suggestions, y'all --

#1 - Bariatric Eating Plans Can Be DRAMATICALLY DIFFERENT FROM ONE LOCATION TO ANOTHER.

#2 - Some of us are many years post op, and food happens. Ask around, do you know many 5-8-10 year post gastric-bypass patients that subside on meal replacements?  <crickets> Right.  "Things change."  And, even though you may be TOLD that you are going to 'live on 1/4 cup of solids three times a day,' uh... that doesn't happen.  I am sorry.

I rarely share the reality of what actually goes in my gullet these days because for one -- it's so boring -- and because, wow, some of  Y'all Are Judgy!  You have to realize, at pushing nine years later -- it's back to food!  It's normal life!

Tell me.  What are you eating?   Are you willing to SHARE?   Let's start sharing.


Oh. Yes. She. Did.

Hold the Press Releases, Suz!  

How do you go from not paying your taxes, failure to ship orders since 2011, closing your store, foreclosure, shutting down all communication to... THIS?

Continue reading "Oh. Yes. She. Did." »


Bariatric Immunity Dated For Freshness

I just stumbled on a super old "what did you eat today"-type post of my own while looking for a protein bar review.  It shocks me to see how I ate at former stages of this journey.  I remember my thoughts back then, about how I thought I was eating too many calories.  Or even how random people would tell me how I was doing it wrong.

My first thought now is --

Continue reading "Bariatric Immunity Dated For Freshness" »


I hate food journaling.

...with a passion.  But this morning I was poked to log in and do it.  

While today's entry appears "good" with 1100 calories and 100 grams of protein, it's not exactly typical of my recent history.  I usually end up with more calories as evidenced by the lack of weight loss around these parts.  (We are not discussing it.  I've hidden the scale for now.)  I would assume I land around 1600-1800 most of the time.

Admittedly, I lasted only a few days on the Topamax -- which helps me maintain my weight while taking other anti-epileptic drugs that can cause serious HUNGRY -- because it caused me to fall dead asleep in the daytime.  I will see my neurologist next week and I hope to dump the meds and try something else as they're not working.  I had two seizures today, and this rate is really unacceptable...

So there's this -- a two brain fail day --

 

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Not exactly typical



 


THROW YOUR SCALE. Throw mine. Please.

I am several days into journaling my food intake.  

This is what I do when I get on the scale and scream -- I stop, drop and immediately start writing down WHAT IS GOING IN MY MOUTH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

I recently gained weight, after maintaining for what felt like forever.

My last legit weigh in that I posted was in the summer.

Continue reading "THROW YOUR SCALE. Throw mine. Please." »


Checking in

I weighed in -- and figured I'd share my yesterday's day of  "God she's boring" food with you.  "You must do tons of exercise to eat all those calories - " someone asked on Facebook yesterday.  Yeah. No.  I don't.  It's just that I think I eat pretty BIG FINGER QUOTES "normally" /BIG FINGER QUOTES  in calories -- anyway -- because I am maintaining a normal body weight.  

I am maintaining my size.  It's been a year.  I eat what I want, when I want, in the quantity I desire.

I am a result of doing just that.  It's highly technical.

  • Weight - 162 lbs. (On my fancy-schmancy new scale that will be it's own post.)

Picture 15

Anyone care for a bowl of bean soup?  I can't possibly eat all of this, because I will implode.

  • 7am -  Coffee, Almond milk, repeat... la la la...
  • Lunch - 1/2 Spinach Souffle, sliced ham (The souffle was an afterthought, I cooked it, didn't like it and ate the burned edges only.  Texture aversions ahoy.)
  • Snack - Ritz Veggie Crackers (YUCK, SALTY! These are awful... Then again, I'm used to my Wholegrain Crackers...) a pile of melted mozzarella, which I attempted to peel off and eat instead
  • Snack -  A piece of rolled up ham straight out of the fridge
  • Dinner - Bob's Red Mill 13 Bean Soup , sliced roasted chicken breast (I have a VAT of beans in the fridge.)
  • Bed - Blue Diamond Growers - Almond Nut-Thins Nut & Rice Crackers

Again?

Picture 42

Picture 43

  • 5:00pm  - Out with exMr -  1/2 small steak quesadilla ---peeled off most of the tortilla-- to eat the goods, a couple bites lettuce, about 1/2 teaspoon sour cream (because it makes me die... Guessing 300-400)  2/3 of a Corona Light Beer, gave up when I felt it... (80)
  • 7:30-8:00pm - On the way home from tractor shopping -- two bites of a donut from exMr's bag.  Mmm, donut.  (100-150?) 
  • About 1200 calories

 

 

 


What are you eating, MM?

I'm seeing it again, those  "What does Melting Mama Eat In A Day, In A Week?" searches.  I know it's the whole Bad Girl thing.  

People think I'm in here eatin' Doritos and Dunkin' Donuts.   #assumptionfail  It's BIG MACS honey.

I don't post my intake much because I am so very boring.  I'll throw it out there, a couple days, here and there.  I cannot possibly do it every day.  I will make you stab your eyes out with boredom!

Wednesday - July 27, 2011 -

Picture 44


I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans, Excuse my manners if I make a scene


"I'mma do the things that I wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if I make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and I'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think"

Lisa Sargese often adds a "video pick of the day" in her blog posts.

Well, there is mine, kids.

Hi, how are YOU?

I'm a little bit pleased this morning.  I weighed in.  164 lbs.  Bacon, FTW.

Picture 4
I don't keep accurate records, nor do I log my weight OFTEN, but this is quite indicative of my last year or so.  I started where I am now.  The peak was about ten pounds higher than THAT dot would even indicate.  I never actually logged it, even if I wrote about it.   Ouch.  I died inside when I inched toward 1-9-0 lbs.  I started a blog about "Regain."  And, it stopped.

If I can convince Mr. MM that there won't be any holiday baking  (I don't, much...) I will be well off this holiday season to continue losing.   Mr.?  There won't be ANY holiday baking.  Nobody NEEDS your shit.  KTHANX.

 I am actually logged into The Daily Plate right now.  I have logged, uh, one meal.  It won't last.  


Monday - August 2, 2010

Yes, I don't do this often.  Frankly, it's most often because I never finish a day's food logging, and it scares the bejeebus out of newbies.  (Due to how much I can eat at times, how boring I may eat at times, my lack of interesting eats and general apathy for food.)

But, I often "check in" on my own with a quick food journal, so here goes:

Weight - 171 lbs. (I've been holding in the 169-172 lb range forever again.)

  • Coffee + light soy milk  100-150 calories for the day/total for the milk
  • 1.5 Breakstone's Liveactive Cottage Cheese Cups.  (I dumped two in a bowl, thinking I was that hungry.  Um.  Full.) 135 calories
  • dr. tabors non-naughty lace nibbles in BBQ  100 calories
  • Mixed herb salad greens, fresh mozzarella, balsamic vinegar  200 calories (I will have to check the balls, I don't know how much they are.)
  • Creamsicle 100 calories
  • Sugarfree Rockstar 10 calories
  • Kashi Go Lean Crunch + Light Soy Milk 95 calories + 45 calories = 140 calories
  • Thomas Bagel Thin + Butter + SF Blackberry Spread 200

How to pass out!

Eat about 3/4 serving of instant grits.

I thought I would avoid the carbohydrate coma by adding protein and fat, but, it was a big fat fail.  I ate the grits with crumbled bacon bits and light butter at 11am, and had to lay down and was out of it until about 2pm.  

Good times.

Yes, I know better, yes, I have eaten this same food at least 5-10 times before with the same result, but I thought THIS TIME IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT!  THIS TIME!  BACON WOULD MAKE IT ALL BETTER!  HA.  My body says FUCK THE BACON, I WILL SHOW YOU!

Newbies, close your eyes:  Tell me this, I can eat and ENTIRE BLOCK OF RAMEN NOODLES WITH ZERO RAMIFICATIONS?  But, 1/4 cup of GRITS sends me to bed?   I puffy heart love my WLS!