melting mama

The Word - Control-Self-Delete

Surgically altering your appearance and getting rid of old friends will make you the ideal job candidate.

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The Word - Control-Self-Delete
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Pee Wee Gets An IPAD!

Pee-wee Gets An iPad! from Pee-wee Herman

Paula Deen Went Someplace Special With Butter.

 

Lobster Shooters with Butter.

Hey - protein and fat!  Who could go wrong?
 

Two things that make me very smile-y.

First, this guy can totally come work my maybe-event.  Love. it.

 Second.  Check him out.  :)

I Can't Believe It's A SHAKE WEIGHT!

   

STOP IT!

Just? STOP IT. Yes, it's tongue in cheek. But, a lot of psychology could be figured out CHEAPLY this way! 

Betty White on Saturday Night Live Eating MUFFINS!

(I'm glad I just took my carb-blockers and anti insulin meds.)

You know what is so sad about this?  I, a 31 year old woman, am too old to stay awake for the 11:30pm show.  

I set up my DVR to tape Betty White on SNL at 8:30pm and went to BED.  I laid in bed and watched a few minutes of Schizophrenic Kids on Discovery Health, then, Law and Order, and passed out with the lights on, the TV on. 

And, I missed it.  I missed Betty White.  LOL.  I can hope to be this ballsy when I am 88.5 years old.

WHAT A LIFE I LIVE.

O-o

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That time she called her husband Pee Wee.

 
Mr. took a handful of kids to the movies this afternoon, after repeatedly pushing it off with my seven year old, "She can come over another day, another day..."  Today was the day, and to get them out of the house, it was "Let's go to the movies!"  So -- they did.

Fast forward to Mr. eating inappropriately (shut up) and spilling NACHO CHEESE on his lap.

 

(You can see where this is going?)

He went into the bathroom to clean it off, because, it's nacho cheese, on his lap.

He says he was standing over the bathroom sink, furiously scrubbing off the vile orange cheese-like product with a wad of wet toilet paper, with his back turned somewhat to the entrance to the lavatory.  Emphasis should be on the furiously.  

 
Another man came into the bathroom behind him and, "GASP!" 

"Oh, DUDE, I am sorry!  DUDE, OMG."

So, that'll teach him to save the nacho-cheese-crotch-cleaning for the privacy of his own HOME.

O-o

To Fart Or Not To Fart?

When in doubt? (Don't.)

Another post where I abuse the word SERIOUSLY. Banding without, the band?

Weight loss like a gastric band, without, the band? Seriously?

Announcing the poorly named: SLIMR. (Note to the creator: Y'know what banders sometimes call that nasty reflux feeling and food sliding back up the esophagus? Sliming. Mmmm.)

The graphic at the site makes me kinda want to do it, though:

  

What has happened inside HER pants?

The SLIMR-band™ is the sensation of your stomach being constricted by a gastric banding similar to a Lap-Band®.  This sensation results from a non-surgical procedure that uses hypnosis and the power of your mind. Since your sub-conscious mind regulates all of your body processes, it produces the sensation of constriction on your stomach.  You feel satiated with smaller quantities of food, you eat less and you easily make better food choices.  The result is that you steadily lose excess weight, reach your healthy weight wellness goal, and easily maintain a balanced nutrition thereafter.

So, you're saying I can go get hypnotized, and "feel" the "sensation of constriction" on my stomach?  Well, if it's THAT easy, sign. me. up.  A endoscopic revision surgery costs $10,000 CASH DOLLAHS, but this hypnotism, HAS to be cheaper, and There! I'm Fixed!

"Your stomach will be gently constricted."  Seriously?

And, it is!  In clinical trials, you too can get Hypno-banded for the low-low price of $1997, a deep discount of it's nearly $7000 price tag!  Get on this now, and you can be Slim With No Band!  *Generally not covered by insurance. It is an investment in your healthy life!"  O-o  You're not spending, you're investing in health?  Where have I heard THAT before?  Spending is spending.