melting mama

When?

Dana just asked if I have my babies before their due dates.  I really wouldn't know - I've been induced three times.  Baby #1, induced near due date, with high blood pressure.  She was 7 lbs. 12 oz.  Baby #2. induced at  not quite 39 weeks, high blood pressure & rapid heartbeat.  He was 8 lbs.  Baby #3, induced at 38 weeks, high blood pressure & rapid heartbeat, 8 lbs. 12 oz.  I don't know what would have happened had I been just allowed to go into labor, I've been generally "sick"  and sent to the hospital at my prenatal appointment and induced the next day.  I'm not dealing with high blood pressure this time, which seems to be what causes problems.  I'm more than 100 lbs. lighter than previous pregnancies, so there's the cure for the high blood pressure, huh?  Anyways - other than the anemia, I'm "healthy" - so whenever it happens, I guess... it happens.  Though, tommorrow would be nice?

I should have at least gotten a dinner first.

Because, I was violated without so much as a glass of wine.  No news, really.  Dilated two centimeters and baby's head is ready to go.  OB says she's dropped and in place.   She made it sound like I'd go right there - she was all, "Well, she was six and a half pounds two weeks ago, and she's in place... so..." 

We did have a quick non-stress test, because the baby's movement wasn't really frantic today, but she's fine.  (She kicked the monitor off.)  I also got a quick blood sugar check, since I never had the prenatal diabetes testing done. (Remember, I refused to take the glucose drink or the jelly bean test back when it was required, due to the gastric bypass and the side effects of eating that large amount of sugar.)  My blood sugar was 77, and I had eaten prior to the appointment, so it's good.  (I didn't tell her WHAT I ate, but it was a post-meal blood sugar level.  (I had eaten 4 oz. cottage cheese, a peanut butter cup & 4 oz. sugar free pudding within the morning before the appointment. )  I think I tend to be more hypoglycemic than diabetic anyway since WLS.  I have hypoglycemic symptoms much much more since WLS.  Oh, and I'm actually down a couple of pounds!  I weighed in with shoes on and was less than last week/same scale.  So, anytime, baby, you can come out to play.  Now is more preferred than later, since my main sources of baby-sitting Are Going On A Cruise Ship for like, ten days, at my due date.  So, Right Now would be acceptable.  I just need one good full day of labor that produces an infant, with babysitters, and they can go to the Bermuda Triangle or wherever it is they're going.  My nine year old daughter is concerned about this - she wants to make sure that her younger sibs are with grandma, because "they'd be scared at the hospital, Mom."  As for her, I think she'd like to be there, and I'll let her, if she wants to, at the very least the moment the baby arrives, she's seen it all in full-color on TV anyways - she knows what's up.

Taking bets.

Sure, I'll take bets on the baby.  It's not like I'm going to see money from it, so g'head, place yer bets. 

• Date:
• Time:
• Baby's Weight:
• Length:

Winna gets, uhh, my undying affection? 

Though, the bet I'm more interested in - is how many pounds will *I* drop just after she's born?!  I'm betting on twenty pounds.  The rest, I'll claim responsibility for.  As soon as I get home, get un-IV'ed and lose all the water I'll undoubtedly have in the hospital (along with any other freebies, like a blood transfusion!), I'll add a weight ticker back up.  I'm thinking I'm going to be starting at about 175 lbs for my "re-diet."  It Could Be Worse.  Really.  I was really close to pushing that before I got hugely pregnant anyway.  My previous 150 lbs as goal, 130-135 lbs after plastic surgery goal.  The smallest I ever saw was 147 lbs for like, a day.  I hovered near 160-165 lbs for the longest time pre-two-pregnancies, so it's all very do-able.  Nursing a baby steals about 500 calories per day, and I can't physically eat too too much, so it means I will still be able to eat actual FOOD as long as I'm a moo-cow for the babe, and probably will lose weight just by that.  I do plan on eating better (bye bye empty calories, at least most of 'em), and charting my meals on Fitday again.  I may sub some meals with protein bars or shakes, which I gave up completely during pregnancy (depending on chemicals in them, and if I'm making enough milk...)

It's all in how you look at it.

Thanks to an email from MySpace - the name I picked* now has a teasability factor added.  Thank you.  Although, this one is funny.

*- because it's always subject to change.

Baby Alien.

The other day I posted a "photo" of the fetus on my MySpace page.  I thought for certain it would was obviously be understood as a joke - since it was, you know, an ALIEN, like from space?!  Well, it wasn't.  I had a few people ask me if the photo was "one of those 4-D ultrasounds or something?" because it was slightly disturbing.  The whole thing was that the actual ultrasound scans from a couple of weeks ago freaked ME out, because they looked slightly alien-ish, and it's been a joke in my little world since.  I always have this fear of giving birth to a Something rather than a Someone, and at the end of pregnancy I have actual nightmares about pushing a baby out, only to look down and be greeted by this:

Anyway, I should know better, since the last two times I've had a baby girl, they've been very non-alien-like and very human.  I only hope we're so lucky this time.

No news.

Weekly appointment at the OB today.  I actually saw my old midwife (who delivered my children) since I was late in making this appointment, so I just had a quickie appointment with her instead of one of the doctors.  So, nothing new, blood pressure was good, see ya in a week.  Interestingly, no internal exam - is this something new?  I remember being repeatedly checked in previous pregnancies after 36 weeks?  It doesn't matter, since knowing how dialated or effaced I am makes no change in when labor will actually begin anyway.  Babies come when they want to, damnit.

Tommorrow, weekly blood appointment... I plan on telling the blood doc that I can't breathe anymore, since that might be related to the lack'o'blood.  There's really nothing I can do, I just want her to know that it's gotten increasingly worse.

Uh, I think that's it - I'm brain-dead now.  We've got Capturing the Friedmans' from Netflix here, and I'm just, like, ugh, so I'm gonna go fall asleep on the couch. 

It looks like you have a basketball in there.

...was one of the comments heard yesterday, along with:

"When are you due, now, right?"
"Are you trying again for another boy/number five?"
"Are you going to get on the dance floor and push that baby out?"

I spent most of the night behind my own camera, so I didn't get one photo of myself in the least flattering state of human condition, well, besides me at 320 lbs, but nine months pregnant is a close second.  The professional wedding photographer definitely got me in the wide angle lens at some points,especially since I was trying to get some candids at the same time as she was taking the real pictures.  The boy child did get me in one photo, and as you can see, (but luckily not really because it's a terribly blurry shot) I'm the size of a house.  I had a size XL maternity dress, and I was terrified it wasn't going to fit - I didn't try it on - just hoped it would slip on.  I'm very lucky it did - because it would NOT go on feet first.  I got stuck in it and had to try for head first.  The shoes?  Ha.  I found a pair of work shoes with a strap at the ankle, yeah, you can see how THAT looked within a half hour, I had swollen ankle flesh bubbling over the straps.  Bob looked anorexic in my shadow - since I'm now at least 25 pounds heavier than him.

As for dancing, no.  Not so much fun.  It hurts to move.  Bob got lucky and only had to dance once, because the DJ didn't really play anything he'd move to, and by the time he did, Bob had a child sleeping on him at the table and got out of it.  Not that we'd dance anyhow, it's more like me leaning on him and trying not to fall asleep while swaying back and forth.  It was a rough night, and I'm still beat.

The kids did fantastic and looked great, and considering how late it was, I am surprised we didn't have any more major meltdowns.  (More, because we got one, but then she fell asleep and we left soon after.)

I thought I might drop her on her head today.

She's not coming out to play today, but I thought so, for at least a few hours today.  I was at the mall with the girls to get our nails painted for the wedding tommorrow, when I got hit with some serious contractions.  They didn't go away with liquids, so I called Bob home from work and we took a little field trip to the birthing triage.  Apparently I am not laboring, but it hurt enough to make me think I was.  Like I said before, I've never gone into spontaneous labor before, so I don't know what to expect.  The laboring I've had the three previous times has been quick, intense, painful and quickly medicated while already in the hospital in bed.  The OB says the baby is still high, at minus two, and I'm a "fingertip" dilated, and not in labor.  Well, of course things have slowed down now, and I'm not feeling pain, but if this baby is trying to turn back upside down, she's grounded.

Yeah, but...

He tells me to remember, "Beth, they're images from soundwaves. Duh."  Okay, fine, but I still think I'm going to give birth to ALIEN now.

I'm a Float.

I made blood.  How exciting.  My hematocrit level went up one point.  My blood pressure spiked a little bit yesterday, and the nurse didn't like my pulse much, so she gave me an EKG.  The hematologist said something about the possibility of my respiration rate causing a temporary change in my heart rhythm.  I'd say so, since I can't breathe if I sit up fully forward!  I assume that I passed the EKG because they still hooked me up to the IV for the ferrlicit infusion after the doctor reviewed the test.  I noticed after I left that my ankles are swelling again, especially the left, and a bit on the right.  I hadn't been swelling much at all since I noticed it, what, a week ago?  Now, it's back, lovely sausages. 

I've given up on getting shoes for the wedding this weekend because I'm going to have to take them off anyways - with sausage ankles.  I went to get a pair of black maternity tights yesterday - and found that the freaking dress I bought online really WAS just a Motherhood store clearance item, and of course, I overpaid and paid shipping for this stupid thing.  I suppose as long as I'm clothed during the wedding, we're good.  Also, I'm apparently going to dance with my husband for the bridal party dance (although I'm not in the line-up, the bride has set this up so I can go up for that I guess?) which is fine - but... uh... I'm going to have to stand sideways to do so.  That isn't too far from our own wedding, where I was over 300 pounds (even though now I'm still less than an elephant, but blowing up like a Thanksgiving Day Float) and he was well over 300 pounds also, and now he's in a 34 waist tuxedo, but, I'm just saying... sideways.

Oh, but when I got home, I found more diapers at my doorstep - how exciting is that, eh?  The wee newborn size ones came, a case of what some company calls 1/2, and a stack of wipe refills.  Yahoo.