I've been thinking about redesigning and rebranding "MM." SHOCK! Heh. No, not really. I brainstormed on Facebook the other day.
I might want a new color. I love my pink, I do, but there's so. many. blogs. with PINK! And, in Cincinatti, TWICE, I was talked to, about "my blog" by two people "about my recipes" and "my site" -- who clearly had no idea who MM was. LMFAO. They might know now! I inducted at least one to the BBGC.
And, pink doesn't feel so MM anymore. We came up with some names -- some options -- while I am likely to ALWAYS remain MM -- maybe I need an icon or better "branding" -- I mean I trademarked it!
So - "MM - Bariatric Bad Ass?" Props to Kid Rock. Just saying. Or, maybe something more like HER, it's SO PERFECT. :) Nobody else would.
My current assignment for my English class is regarding misinterpretation of online communication. While we are discussing the written WORD, I'd like to discuss PHOTOS on the blog today.
Tony & I - Breathing.
I posted a gazillion photos from over the weekend, as did many of the lovely people who attended the conference along with me. Many of these photos are totally boring, lame, tame, as-is, simply-stated, obvious or "Well, there's THAT..." others AREN'T.
MM as-is. Coffee in hand.
These additional photos are silly, goofy, in jest, in good humor, in good fun, for a laugh, a little risque, and downright scandalous! SCANDALOUS I tell you! (You may find me showing my Slimpressions off on Facebook. I pulled up my skirt to show my shapewear with some of the other girls, and well, we're all showing OUR SHAPEWEAR. SCAN-DA-LOUS!)
One photo got comments like this -
"just look at the pic and who...is in it....if you want to be in the spot light then you have to know that you are always being watched..."
And...
"interesting pic.... not good wls publicity....."
These comments followed a photo that I was tagged in with some of my friends from the event over the weekend. Considering that the attendees of this (and every event...) have hundreds of photos of the same situations from several different camera perspectives -- it's bound to happen that folks misinterpret things.
Here is my truth:
I do not sell weight loss surgery. If I wanted to? I would have gone to MEDICAL SCHOOL and became a bariatric surgeon. It is NOT my place to sell you surgery for morbid obesity.
I am not anyones spokesperson or representative for weight loss surgery for being a perfect post op.
In fact, bloggers probably shouldn't BE, unless working directly 'FOR' a surgeon with a disclosure on the surgeon's website. We have too many "walking billboards" who offer up really, really BAD information, and lots of "I love my WLS I love my surgeon -- WAIT -- I HAVE TO GO THROW UP AGAIN! But, I LOVE MY WLS!"
Until someone places me "ON a billboard" for that very purpose and pays me to maintain a perfectly pink post op lifestyle? IT AIN'T GON HAPPEN. (Even if it was offered -- I couldn't.)
Perfect post WLS patients do not exist. If someone tells you they are or indicates that they are, they are lying through their teeth -- out of fear. Especially if they must reiterate how perfect they are, over and over. (Just follow them with a camera, you will find out within a weekend event. I am kidding, of course, I wouldn't that TO YOU, even if you did it to ME.)
I did not start my personal blog to give weight loss surgery publicity, I started it to document my own journey. My journey is far from a WLS PR Campaign, which is the way I see some of my peers.
Perhaps if I started right out from the operating room with a goal in mind, "WRITE A BOOK! BE ON A BILLBOARD! BE KNOWN! BE LOVED!" I might have "tried harder," or done things differently.
But, I didn't. This is actually my journey, even if it may look differently, not a campaign. MM = ME. I am MM. My life is my life. I don't live according to what you might think about a single photo (or a series of 200++ tagged photos, wherein a glass of wine and two sips of Clickatini were consumed) taken.
Here is the "sad truth" about myself and some of the persons photographed with me: WE ARE NATURALLY FUCKING CRAZY. Just so you know. We can't "blame it on the a-a-a-a-lchohol."
I did not ingest enough alcohol until after most of the photos were taken, during the dance, where I had a single glass of wine, and it wore off in the same time.
Some of the most "scandalous" photos, that I don't see as an issue, are entirely sober. :) I don't -- they don't really -- drink/partake/do anything to raise an eyebrow.
We are just nuts.
Dancing in the street? Sober. Had just eaten 1/2 bunless hamburger, and rode a non-moving bull.
Photo by Pam T.
Jumping ON my hotel bed? Nothing in my body. After I jumped on the bed -- I made a "product review" of the Clickatini -- and ingested TWO SIPS of the product and stopped. Vodka + MM = Instant brain nigh-night. I know better. I have limits.
I am JUST nuts!
This? I looked, smelled, photographed, but did not eat. SO? (But, I stuck my finger ALL up in the frosting of a vanilla one before bed.)
But, how dare I? I am supposed to be giving good WLS publicity! Nope. Having weight loss surgery does not sign one up for a lifetime of being a poster girl of perfection.
You've got the wrong girl. I thought I made that PERFECTLY PINK?
PS. And of all the sinning I could have done, I did so little, again. This is why photos are deceiving.
Victoria's Secret had to close for a few hours this week after a bed bug sighting in the store on Lexington Avenue at 58th Street.
The lingerie retailer released a statement on Friday saying: "As a proactive measure, we tested our Manhattan stores. When we found small, isolated areas that may have been impacted, we immediately took action to resolve the situation."
Now this follows after several other stores, like Hollister (OMGLIKENOWAY! Like Where Am I Supposed To Shop. Like, OMG. I Will Just DIIIIIIE. <insert my 13 year old sarcasm here>) had issues with the creepy crawlies.
New York City has a bigger problem with These Kind Of things than other areas, but SERIOUSLY, if you're going to put SOMETHING ON YOUR GENITAL AREA, PLEASE WASH IT FIRST? What, your genitals? Yeah, THOSE TOO.
People are gross. I'm not crazy for pre-washing clothing before wearing it, see?
I posted recently that I am a 'fly-paper for freaks.'
'
Now to defend myself - I am right there with you. I am a freak. But here's what I am talking about. By being open on line and keeping this blog and other forms of communication, I allow people that I do not know into "my life." They feel that they know me, because they read what I post. They may not realize that I only post tidbits here and there, and that they are getting a very slanted slice-of-MM. (I told you, there are many things I DO NOT BLOG ABOUT. I wish I could. To be anonymous, I would give anything. I have SO MANY STORIES.) But still, they think they know me.
It is my own fault in many ways when drama occurs because I initially allowed the interaction when my gut feeling said "Don't Feed The Bears."
I spoke with a few people yesterday about this unique cross-section of the population: The Post Morbidly Obese Community That Likely Had Weight Loss Surgery, ie. US! YOU! Why is it that is our community -- there is such a high rate of bad behavior? I hear it all the time, "You must be a magnet for this stuff." But, in watching, listening and really observing, I realized, it's not me -- it's who we are.
Weight loss surgery does not take away a psychological problem.
If anything, weight loss surgery AMPLIFIES the issues you're dealing with as the weight issue fades. Weight loss surgery often gives a person this hyper-active state of manic energy during the honeymoon phase - and people feel pretty unstoppable.
Post ops in the super amped "I'm awesome" phase can be difficult to deal with. (Those who never leave that phase are UNBEARABLE.)
Those who never get into that may be depressive and sad, or anxious, and some get angry. On line -- this becomes clear -- if they act out toward others.
Factors common to a regressive style of stress coping—food addiction, depression, and other psychological comorbidities—that result in vicious cycles can have several perpetuating elements with physical, biochemical, or emotional origins. Individuals who are morbidly/superobese often experience diminished self esteem and suffer from a poor self-image, feelings of discrimination, anxiety, and depression (particularly if obesity occurred in childhood). As discussed previously, nearly all morbidly obese patients handle difficult feelings and emotional stressors regressively...
People suffering with other addictive issues also tend to display similar characteristics, such as regressive stress coping behavior, and turn to the drug of their choice for comfort or escape from difficult feelings.
People act weird. everywhere, every forum has their drama and their trolls. The post WLS community has a very high level of drama and very pointed Issues.
(I see you pointing at me, "But what about you?" No, not really. I'm not looking for it. I'm pretty anti-drama/quite apathetic, it's just that I am very visible and I won't take shit. My bottom line is that I like honesty.)
It is my choice to REACT. I usually do (I am learning, it's hard not to), because I truly believe that most people mean well. Most of the time, they do. Thank goodness.
But in this unique community -- there's a very high chance that I am going to get someone who does not mean well. It stinks because I am an open book, pretty much, and this has caused me to become less trusting and more cynical than I already was.
Remember how I was in Sin City last week, supposedly being a Bariatric Bad Girl, or at least confirming my status? Well, I was/did/didn't.
I am not eccentric. It's just that I am more alive than most people. I am an unpopular electric eel set in a pond of goldfish. ~Dame Edith Sitwell
The "baddest" I got? Spending most of the week (even sharing a room, nearly a bed with, there's a story behind that too, LMAO!) with someone I swore I would never even speak to. I'm not good at keeping promises. Never means, okay, well, whatever, someday.
And we tried to be "bad" together, and the scope of that was pretty much summed up in one single cup of shared Gelato, and maaaaaybe sneaking into a open convention room in the Bellagio to take a cool photo or 300.
Eating poorly? Meh. I hardly ate. Vegas is not the place to eat if you're frugal and/or against Buffet Style food. I avoided purchasing meals, had a few purchased for me (thank you!) and otherwise snacked out of my suitcase on jerky, nuts and protein bars. I spent the majority of my money on espresso. My "go to" drink in Vegas cost $7-9 EACH. That's a little insane. That might be a little "bad." But, I did it. (You can see my debit card statement from last week.)
Drinking? Notsomuch. Half a beer for me. I was likely photographed with it. SHOCK! "How dare you!" <shrug> There's a difference between having half-a-beer at 6.5 years post op than suggesting that YOU have several cocktails to GO TO SLEEP.
Gambling? Ha. I put $30 in a machine and closed one eye hoping NOT to have a seizure, lost my money and quit.
However, I did get several calling cards for $45 dollar prostitutes handed to me on the street, if that can be considered bad. But I am too OCD to even think about the ramifications of the germs! THE DISEASES!
AND -- I DID TAKE A HOT TUB after a massage -- likely with Hired Help. I didn't realize they were, um... working girls until later. O-O (Hey - I didn't realize it was legal!)
But, did I use a STRAW? CHEW GUM? EAT COCONUT? CHOCOLATE? SUGAR? COFFEE? And drink half a beer? You bet your ASS I did. Everything. in. moderation.
What really gets me about being holier than thou - and demanding that others DO AS YOU SAY?
If you ain't doin' it yoself? It shows. It's obvious. I will never LIE to you about what I do/do not do. And, you can see by the size of my 169 pound ASS that I am obviously not always perfect. And you know what, WHO CARES? (By the way, my ass has been 320 > 150 > 210 > most recently 185-190 lbs. if it matters.)
<smile>
I guess the point is -- bad isn't necessarily about BEING bad. It's about being REALISTIC. Being -- normal?
Do you have what it takes to be a Bariatric Bad Girl? It's not about breaking rules. It's not eating badly. In fact, most of the BBGC girls (and boys!) are rule-followers, go figure. We simply want long-term weight loss surgery success and happiness, for everyone, regardless of starting point, or RE-starting point. We are all equal, we are all human, we all make mistakes, and nobody is perfect.
Realistic and honest? Perhaps -- sometimes too honest -- and that is why I get in trouble sometimes and perhaps why some people judge folks like me prior to getting to know us. But not ... bad.
I heard it again last week,
"You're not as <insert adjective here> as I thought you would be! And a lot smaller and <adjective> than I thought, too! You're my little pixie!"
Perhaps even,
"You don't look like Satan."
O-o (Yeah, it went there.)
I realized OBVIOUSLY I come across differently IN TEXT.
I am a BIG FUCKING SCARY MONSTER WHO USES THE F-BOMB WHEN SHE TYPES OMG! RAAAAAAR! BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID! And, every time I am emailed and asked NOT to use profanity? I fucking swear at the screen. It has the opposite effect. Please stop.
Or don't be afraid. It's really not worth it, because when we meet? It's a let down. Andrea U. can probably attest to that, too. MM is not scary. Teresa also. Only when MM has a seizure, it's a little weird. I think Teresa expected me to hit her, and not to accept her.
Not. that. scary. Actually? Friendly! Helpful! Useful! Multipurpose! Give the girl a job! (Or don't. It's kind of nice not having a boss.)
But overall -- being "bad" really doesn't have much to do with being bad at all -- does it?
Teresa's Blog - http://www.celebratevitamins.com/blog/2010/06/28/bright-light-city-going-to-set-my-soul-on-fire-coming-full-circle-in-las-vegas/
This is my brain's impression of VEGAS. Try not to have a seizure.
I
I realized that this place is not place for a baby weight loss surgery post op. If this had been a WLS conference for patients?
There would be drama, dumping, divas and debt.
Merely getting off of the plane and walking into the Las Vegas airport, you walk into slot machines! Maybe I expected something else? Getting into my hotel - a full blown casino! Chair massage? Girls with fake boobs and dresses cut at the pube line to hand out free drinks!
Running past this -- I pass restaurants! A buffet! A bakery! Fresh made crepes! Gelato stand! Chocolates!
Bars! THE BARS!
Then, in the room, a mini bar, stocked with $50 bottles of champagne and $30 chocolates. (Let me explain the Red Bull situation later.)
Las Vegas is a GIANT SPARKLY TRANSFER ADDICTION. You can have sex, drugs, sugar, alcohol, gambling, shopping, smoking, and binging -- ALL in a matter of minutes. Just walk outside. O-o
There is ZERO glamour in any of it, I will tell you that right now.
(She was one of many girls handed to me outside.)
I have said it before drunk gastric bypass'ers ARE not sexy, not glamorous, kind of, icky.
Drinking post op is very different. Many of us (you) become drunk quickly and dangerously, and might keep drinking to continue that level of inebriation, and it's scary. I read a post last night from a fellow attendee of this conference about "finding the perfect drink for a post op" for this event, and having a couple each night and sleeping like a baby.
Edited to add later, no longer in Vegas - Yes, I have 'a drink.'
Yes, I've been photographed With! A! Drink! SHOCKER.
But. I am 6+ years post op. AND hypoglycemic. I have ONE.
Maybe two over a few hours if my husband is with me, which is RARE.
I nursed one light beer at a function during this event. I sipped half and threw it away. Again, at a dinner event, sipped half and threw it away. I cannot trust my body to metabolize alcohol and get me safely "home" -- so I DO NOT GET DRUNK. I can't! This isn't to suggest you shouldn't - but COME ON! SHOULD YOU?
Is this the sort of message we should be sending?
Should I be on the look out for something to sip in excess to tell you about? I understand that we are adults and we can make choices, but we must be careful, and I am VERY concerned about post ops and alcohol abuse.
Beyond that, the mere fact that BEING here, surrounded by things to eat, smoke, drink, buy, do, when you cannot fulfill that most basic need (eating food) WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO with that urge? I know some of my peers would be completely overwhelmed here, and sucked in to excess and perhaps trouble.
You know I am a fan of some excess, but... there are big buts, grandiose meals, spending insane amounts of money (Do you REALLY have the money to be dumping on the Blackjack table?) or your ass being splatted on the sidewalk plastered because you had too many drinks in a row? Is it worth it?
I will not lie, I felt a little tweak of want when I got here. I WANT TO BUY SPARKLY THINGS. But, the cure? I can't. I came with cash, and I have to get back home. I cannot spend all of my money, and I have ZERO access to a credit card. I suppose if I were loaded LOL... I would be freer, but I cannot do that. I am very frugal. But, you see the problem lies in when you aren't -- and you come without money anyway -- and spend anyway! Your ship is sinking -- and you're throwing dollar bills into it!
Common sense is more than necessary in Las Vegas. They should have a testing station at the airport, at least multiple choice.
PS. And, considering I am rooming with a Bariatric BAD GIRL in VEGAS, and the two of us want nothing more than to go see art and flower exhibits and to eat Calcet? It's a little eye opening.
Please explain to ME, why a bar with the following ingredients, and ZERO NUTRITION STATS PROVIDED, can be labeled a "Bariatric DIET Bar?" There are 5-8 forms of sweetener in this product. There are no nutrition labels at this website. You are supposed to trust that your MD "approved!" this bar for your Bariatric Diet. Uh huh.
So, the next time I get a little flak over my Dark Godiva Truffle?
I will pull out THIS BARIATRIC DIET BAR filled with GOODNESS.
*grin*
Calcium Caseinate, Sugar, Invert Sugar, Polydextrose, Soy Protein Isolate, Partially Hydrogenated Vegetable Oil(Palm Kernel, Palm, Soybean, Cottonseed)(Contributes a negligible amount of Trans Fat), Water, Cocoa, Brown Sugar, Unsweetened Chocolate, Soy Lecithin, Soy Fiber, Milk, Corn Syrup, Glycerine, Natural and Artificial Flavors, Cream, Cocoa Butter, Salt, Monoglycerides, Dextrose,Sorbitan Monostearate, Polysorbate 60, Aspartame*.
And, it's not just one bar or food. It's MANY. This is just the one from one page that I landed on because someone was looking for a review, and I KNEW I had tried the stuff and avoided the reviews. (Okay, I LIED. I have reviewed several of these items. I think a few got the big DELETE.)
It's clear that the newly-created Bariatric Bad Girls Club is a smashing success kinda fun on Facebook, and I just started a blog to complement it, and we're hoping to start a message board forum as soon as I bribe someone to do it. I have been wanting to branch out into something like the BBGC for a long time, but I didn't know what my angle should be.
In fact, I bought a domain name a long time ago, one that I still HAVE for that purpose. I haven't used it, because I didn't have any urge to make another general weight loss surgery community. It's a great name, but, I didn't really think it fit what I wanted to do.
Then, I realized that I wasn't "normal." Big surprise.
Things have happened to shape me into WHO I am as a long term WLS post op, and they have made me? ABariatric Bad Girl. (And, IT AIN'T ABOUT FOOD, GIRLS!)
I feel like I need to clear the air here about the "WHYS" of all of this and move on.
Quite a long time ago, I was contacted by a person well-known in the WLS community to do a project. I hesitated, for a long time. Frankly, I said no, over and over. I was scared out of my mind, as this would entail MM getting on camera. Yes, I did it, you may recall the videos. (Heh. Get your mind back in the gutter.)
But, what you don't know? (Because I don't think I ever posted about it, I was shocked. Embarrassed. I had to ANSWER to these things to the owner of the OTHER WEBSITE.)
While I was being courted for this project, another prominent WLS community member and business owner made it their goal to completely ruin my reputation. (Not that I really ever had one. I consider myself a blogger, writing about my personal journey and things I try. At that point, that was pretty much ALL I was doing.)
An employee of this related business contacted the person in charge of the project and completely annihilated me. I found myself defending MYSELF about accusations from persons I had never even MET from the internet.
Things along the lines of - How can you allow her to give advice if she does this ____________, or ____________?Don't you know she eats X, Y + Z? Don't you know she has issues?
And so on.
I saved the conversations from back then because I was SICKENED by what I heard. Disgusted. It was enough that I did not want anything to do with making the videos, and much of the reason WHY I NEVER PROMOTED THEM AGAIN. I felt like I was simply ASKING to be poked at. (Sorry, it's the truth.)
To be honest, when I was contacted later by an involved party? I wanted to hit them, if not by FISTS, by DONUTS. I am non-violent. I do not fight. HOW DARE YOU? (There will be more on this story in the future.)
Fast forward, it's now 2010. I've gotten a face to face apology from one of the persons who was part of the defamation. She explained that she was forced to do it, to make the phone call, because it part of her job. Now, I have forgiven her. But, do you think I will ever forget it?
I know a lot more now than I did then. I have changed. I have learned many things that I probably shouldn't. I am NOT the same girl. If anything? I realized that I am NOT your typical WLS post op (or maybe I am, I am simply realistic) but many of you identify with what I share, post, read or discuss.
So, why can't we discuss freely without fear, guilt, shame and distress? Isn't there ENOUGH of that in our community? Didn't many of you spend enough time of your lives feeling SHAMEFUL or GUILTY?
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Welcome to the new NORMAL - Bariatric Bad Girls, Anti Stepford Bariatrics, MM.
The information provided on this site is intended for your general knowledge only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. You should not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified health care provider. Please consult your health care provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.
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