I haz a gripe.
I can handle burps, baby barfs, spitting into a napkin because you have eaten one bite too much, PB'ing, gagging, turning up your nose at food, refusing to eat, plop plop fizz fizz pouch noise, and other unique post weight loss surgery behaviors that are related to eating, digesting and excreting.
But, ladies. LADIES. COME ON.
Do We Have To FART In The Presence Of Others?
This isn't about the occasional slip in the grocery store aisle that you run away from or blame on the kid.
This is stank ass nasty post-carbohydrate indulgence surgically altered folk mushroom cloud toxic flammable air. This is the kind of gas you pass and remove YOURSELF from the air because it offends your own senses.
Everybody poops. Everybody farts.
But, not everybody damn near shits themselves and shares it with others.
Maybe it's something that you figure others should appreciate/enjoy/accept from your arsehole because you're surgically altered and cannot "help it?" OH HELL NAW.
A little poot here and there is fine, you can apologize! But, when you are dropping loads in the elevator with the door closed, and then explaining yourself?
Seriously. You may think I am being sarcastic. I wish I was. I was farted on, around, under and over this weekend. The hallway to our event was repeatedly sprayed with air-freshener by the hotel staff. You could follow the path to the women's bathroom and beyond.
Then, you'd smell fresh linen! With sugar alcohol poop undertones.
No, it's not something that Just Happened in particular at this event. I had a woman show me her Fart Spray in New York. Each time she'd poof, she'd spray! And How! Convenient! This! Is! I was horrified, but then again, at least she knew it was offensive.
Am I on my own in this? Do you make it a point to drop a bomb because you're a WLS post op, and it's okay? Isn't this something we learn as little kids -- to have a little class? I am not pointing fingers, believe me, I live with a human bubble, but he wouldn't DARE pass gas during a conference. He'd likely implode from it first, as would I.
Now, for those of you who say that Gas After WLS is no big deal - I BEG TO DIFFER. It's vile, powerful and the most rotten in the world. A corpse couldn't beat it. You have to know, I'm not being a bitch. I know my fart smells. Carb farts from WLS'ers, RNY's and DS'ers are "unique," and undeniable. Doctors dont really tell you this. I've been living in the WLS world for nearly six years, and it's That Bad.
I beg of you -- please -- consider the people around you before you burn a hole through your underwear next time.