Shopping for a prom dress is never fun. Nope. Never. No.
At least that's the impression I have always had.
I have been through three prom dress purchases with my own girls (and two of my own) -- and I'll tell you -- it would simply be a lot easier to slide into a size __ (...after trying on countless!) rather than having to dig through a vvveeerrrrrry limited number of plus-sized dresses and only getting to try on one or two. All the girls in the dressing room are picking up size zeroes and twos and fours and some are in tears about needing to get the dresses altered to fit - because - they're just too big. I am looking around at a sea of teenagers ALL. WEARING. THE. SAME. COLOR. (they always do this) and wonder why it's such a big deal. (I know, because it's the PROM. And YOU HAVE TO. We all - mostly? - do it.)
After getting measured, we find that she's *exactly* a size __ and we ordered the dress she wanted out of the catalog. It was a bit disheartening to think that the prom is this year - and she doesn't get the chance to do it next year in senior year when she might be post-surgery. It would be kind of cool to slither into a smaller size, she knows that. Someone will need to get married or something so we can all get fancied up in a year.
SO ANYWAY. We put $100 down, and have to pay the balance when it comes in. Let's hope it fits! She matches the EXACT MEASUREMENTS of the dress, sooooo......
If everything goes as it should, the movers arrive in one month.
One 53 foot long truck. One day. Five men. All mine.
I asked for movers. Mr. MM works often seven days a week (he is working right now, it's a seven day week - fourteen day week - 28 day? I don't know?) and just, no. We don't have that much stuff, but moving from a house with three flights of stairs to another with the same - is a lot of painful lifting and, no. I don't have local friends. Call me lazy if you'd like. I've had enough head injury in the last year to say, HELL NAH I AIN'T DOING IT.
"Good luck getting help, too." It's easier just to put the crazy cost of moving on a credit card, paying it off with the next bonus, and skipping the potential vacation next summer. (Yeah, we skipped it this year too, because Elliott.)
If you have not bought or sold a house before, it can get quite expensive on either side. Stuff pops up (either expected, like inspections, known problems....) or unexpectedly like things that you simply must have done for a buyer's mortgage to go through. (There's many rules and regulations based on the kind of buyer.) We did not live here long enough or earn that much equity to really make out on the deal. We put a lot of money into the house, and you don't usually get it back.
In funner news! Cleaning up! Packing, a little? And...
We have to eat up all the remaining fresh food and the kids are like, this is all that is left:
Except I got the off-brand kind, and it's not EVEN THE SAME.
We have some serious problems over here. I'll be blogging real quick because I need to make grocery money.
Cows eat grass. Babies eat grass. It's good for, fiber, right? Fiber in, uh, this form, hurts my old cranky gastric bypass belly. I get (excuses) bezoars (/excuses) and I eat toast instead. I'm not suggesting that one goes and eats grass, but some things I see Dieters Eat isn't much different than what this baby got in during his outside play yesterday. :x You don't have to tell me to worry about "your baby eating gross that's so gross do you know what might be in there?!" Yes. He's baby number five. A lot worse will be eaten. Salad, anyone?
We were able to successfully find a buyer on the first day of showings and that meant that we had the Find A House Immediately. Why are we doing this?! Because, my parents sold their house (my childhood home) and moved in. Our house isn't large enough to fit myself, the husband, the five kids AND my parents. We discussed doing just this a year or two ago -- but then Elliott arrived (... which I still haven't really discussed here on the blog?) and life has just been warp speed.
We had tossed around the idea of building an in-law apartment, or addition, but it just was not going to work out on this property. So, sell the house - find another! Easy enough!
For me: A House Is Just A Shell. You move shells as your life changes. You - your family gets bigger, you get smaller. I see other people who get very attached to the material part of their homes, and want to drag it around with them - but? Shake that shit off.
I do not get that attached to my shell. I like moving. I see it as a fresh start, a new beginning. Putting aside all the monetary costs involved, $1000 deposit, $1000 home inspection, etc etc etc. moving can be really f - u - n.
Right at the moment, we are nine people living in a house with one bath on the main floor and one kitchen and too many teenagers and a mobile baby and it can be A Bit Intense.
Everyone in this house likes their own space. My kids don't want to share bedrooms. They have been sharing here, there, everywhere, just to make it work -- and the baby hasn't had a room anywhere, yet. He still won't in the new house. He has been in my bed since day one.
I really can't worry about that, I mean, there's a garage? (KIDDING.) All I had asked for was a bedroom and a bathroom I could have access to without a queue at any given time. SCORE. And maybe a kitchen to roller skate in where I could line up 12 pizzas at a time for too many teenagers and guests.
We found one close to our current location, so that the kids can remain in college, 12th, 9th, 4th grade in their current schools. It is quite nice - and with the basement in-law, it's larger than ours. If all goes well with inspections, we should be moved in by November 1.
-Send Xanax, groceries, cleaning ladies, moving men and anti-seizure vibes! Also seeking product to review.
I am wondering if someone out there is holding a voo doo doll of me and hastily stabbing pins everywhere but in me. Quit it. You're missing the target.
We are wrapping up the end of March over here with the third (..fourth?) major life-changing event of 2013.
I thought that if I did not blog about the first (...as much as I have wanted to, I was told no and I have been SCREAMING on the inside! Still. AM. :x) or second (more?) that these things would not occur in threes or more but they do. I still haven't written, much at all actually.
Currently - my father is sitting in the Beth Israel Deaconness Medical Center in Boston, MA awaiting a Triple Bypass Heart Surgery on Friday morning after two RED FLAG WARNINGS that landed him in the ER.
11 years ago, he had a stent placed after a mild heart-attack. These warnings (DO NOT IGNORE YOUR HEART, PEOPLE!) happened just after he lost his job and likely stress was of no help.
What is a Triple Bypass?
When one of the heart's arteries gets blocked and a person has a heart attack, one common procedure is to perform heart surgery and sew in a new piece of blood vessel to bridge over (bypass) the blockage. In many cases, the surgeon will fix not only the immediate problem, but also other arteries on the heart that are starting to look blocked. If the surgeon repairs three of the arteries, it is called a triple bypass. If four arteries are repaired, it's a quadruple bypass.
He's losing weight rapidly while in the hospital. He had lost weight in a medically-supervised plan with his physician's office just prior to this event, but now he's busted into the 200's.
He's off the nicotine, and mentioned that the nurses kept trying to slip him nicotine-patches and he doesn't crave them. It's been nearly a week, smoke-free! This is a huge deal. Hopefully after surgery and rehab he can maintain living smoke-free, he's done it before.
I have been itching to see this movie since the preview showed just before I saw Les Miserables. I adore Melissa McCarthy, and her body has ZERO to do with her sense of comedy. The woman oozes funny.
I do not particularly enjoy jokes that play on fat, body-size, or jokes written specifically to poke at the person of size. I do appreciate a decent self-deprecating joke now and again as a person who has been there and lived the life.
We get it, and it's okay that not every single thing is socially acceptable one hundred and ten percent of the time.
But what is not okay are things like this jerk-wad of a reviewer calling Melissa McCarthy a hippo.
It is 2013: we are not allowed to make jokes at the expense of a person's gender (among most EVERYTHING else...) but we can do it about their physical appearance?
To combat weight-stigma, the OAC needs YOU to help us BUST weight bias and stigma! Do you have an example of weight bias or stigma that you would like to share with the OAC? If so, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
I got a comment via email yesterday and I couldn't respond to it because I have no internet connectivity.
The commenter posted that my blog sucked lately and that Why Was That and did I plan on it sucking long time? Well, that sounds ... dirty. Is that better? Innuendos help make a blog better long time?
I will tell you again (which I started to do so in the previous-but-now-deleted-post-which-abruptly-ended-and-was-posted-when-I-didn't-know-it-was-posted-because-I-had-a-seizure-mid-posting... Please excuse the previous three sentence post which is NOW GONE.) that I have been without any connection to the outside world since the Blizzard of 2013 and that's been more than a week.
While the holidays typically come with a great deal of celebration and joy, they can also bring up feelings of loss, regret or depression. And that's the problem: no matter the emotional response, an emotional eater will often turn back to food.
"Many people use eating as a way to cope with difficult emotions, not only bad ones, but also happiness, excitement and celebration, for example," says Alexis Cona, a clinical psychologist in private practice and a researcher at New York Obesity Research Center.
Researchers believe that many emotional eaters turn to food to numb emotions that are too painful or difficult to process. As Cona explains, it can be a mindless cycle in which an emotional eater suddenly finds himself in front of the fridge, not quite knowing how he got there.
Family time during the holidays can be a particular challenge, as many disordered eating habits begin with poor boundaries between family members, Cona says. Preparing oneself for difficult and triggering interactions might be an important aspect of getting ready for the holidays.
What's more, during this season, food is more plentiful. Many people have favorite, traditional treats that they only eat during this time of year.
"There are all sorts of memories associated with family favorites -- these foods are imbued with expectations," says Ellen Shuman, president of the Binge Eating Disorder Association and an emotional and binge eating recovery coach. "That feeling of deprivation can make an emotional eater feel like they have to eat their fill in that moment. They become forbidden foods -- and that brings out the rebel in many emotional eaters."
Instead, Shuman counsels patients not to have once-a-year foods. If they love a certain dish, they should make it occasionally all year long to avoid that panicked feeling of scarcity.
So what's someone with a history of stress-based eating to do as the holidays loom large?
First of all, work on mindfulness. Cona asks her patients to check in with themselves before they eat anything. Do you feel physiologically hungry? Rate your hunger on a scale. And if you aren't actually hungry, but you want to eat, think about what you might be feeling and what underlying desire is at the bottom of the impulse to eat.
Cona also recommends practicing kindness to oneself, especially in the aftermath of an overindulgence. "Trying to find acceptance can be challenging, especially in a society that condemns us for having eaten this way; especially if our bodies don't look the way society says they should. But it's important not beat ourselves up over it. If this happens, try to learn from it. Don't shame yourself."
But Shuman adds, you may not be the only person you need to forgive. Letting go of painful family history could help prevent the emotional eater's cycle. "Keep in mind that you don't have to spend the holidays with your history with Mom -- just with Mom in that moment."
Obesity has long been associated with infertility as well as lower success rates with in vitro fertilization, and now researchers think they understand why: Obese women are more likely to have abnormalities in their eggs that make them impossible to fertilize.
Brigham and Women’s Hospital infertility researchers examined nearly 300 eggs that failed to fertilize during IVF in both severely obese women and those with a normal body weight.
They found that severely obese women were far more likely to have abnormally arranged chromosomes within their eggs compared with women who weren’t overweight, according to the study published Wednesday in the journal Human Reproduction.
Gasp! A...gym? I know, I already heard about it via Facebook... "No. way. you. did." We really did!
"What's wrong with you, Beth?!"
I know. Two wild and crazy things in the span of one week? Are you mad?
No, not really. Not... much?
I realized when we were on the Obesity Help Cruise that I don't mind exercise -- when I'm in a gym.
Why? Because, I've got distractions galore: via TV, music, and Other People Around Doing The Same Thing. Certainly the fact that we were staring OUT INTO THE CARIBBEAN helped a little itty bitty, I am sure. Even walking the track outdoors was no trouble at all. Again -- I was distracted by pretty things.
At home -- I rarely follow through with exercise via treadmill because I start zoning out at the wall -- and think about Getting Off Of This Thing and ... ANYTHING to GET OFF OF THIS THING -- HOW ABOUT LAUNDRY? You said the toilet is clogged? I'll be right there! SQUEE!
And I do. I'll make it 15 -20-30 minutes and quit. But, in the context of a gym where you're surrounded by folks trying not to quit -- it's easier. Maybe it's just me! (I know it's not.)
This means we've been tossing around the idea of signing up the whole family for a gym membership.
As much as I would like to just get up and go early in the morning by my SELF, it will never happen since I am not driving anymore. We were members of one or two gyms years ago -- right after we both had weight loss surgery -- but at the time we were living with family for a while and it was easy to take turns going. Now, not so much. We would have to go as a group (which can be a big freaking deal...) because there isn't any swapping off anymore -- and we don't have babysitters.
We would have to go at night or on the weekends -- which will end up being whatever teenagers that will GET UP AND GO and somehow wrangling the younger two into a class at the same time.
I pretty much realize that it's impossible AND totally worth it, simultaneously.
My ten year old was bouncing off the walls in there: "I SO want to DO THIS, I could take swimming lessons, and I could do THIS and then we could do THIS!" My 13 year old didn't complain, and I saw him eyeing the weights like "I could do this."
The frugal MM says it's a waste of money, because she is all too realistic and know what happens when people buy gym memberships. And those who buy memberships that can't really get to the gym more than 1-2 times a week? Huge waste of disposable income. Suze Orman would SLAP YOU IN THE FACE. "Go play outside you morons." I know she'd say it.
But as Dr. Phil says, "How's that working for you?"
Um. It's not. It never really has. I have a hard time just getting up and going because my preferred exercise is walking outdoors -- and since I have random seizures -- I'm fearful of walking alone.
The sometimes Motivated MM knows it's worthwhile if it GETS US MOVING because moving is the goal, and what matters and who cares if it's $$$.$$ a month? And she also saw herself in the full-body mirror without Slimpressions AT THE GYM and wanted to jump on the treadmill immediately. Then I realize How Motivating It IS -- if I came home and posted about all the good things I would do - and the benefits I'd get from working out - and how many potential people might be motivated too?
PS. And the bizarrely analytical MM already did the math and realized that it's about .88 cents to $1 per day per person in the family for such a membership, and that doesn't seem like much at ALL, but when she considers that might only be used once a week some weeks -- it seems like a lot more -- and WHAT IF WE DON'T GO AT ALL?! Yes, I have to make it worthwhile or I won't bother. So there's that.
Oh, I suppose I should add the cost of the protein shake I HAD TO have on the way out? That would really... uh... add up.
Allow me to live vicariously through you? Go skiing. On me and Killington Resort. A family four-pack of tickets to Killington could be yours!
Killington Resort, known as “The Beast of the East,” is open for the 2011-2012 winter season and ready for skiers and riders! Nestled in the heart of Vermont’s Green Mountains, Killington’s elevation delivers optimal temperatures for snowfall, whether from Mother Nature or made by 2,000 snow guns across the resort. Terrain is expertly groomed, providing riders of all ability levels a choice of diverse skiing areas, including wide-open or narrow runs, moguls, steeps, and 16 tree skiing areas. Killington also offers multiple terrain parks for snowboarders and freeskiers, as well as off-mountain activities like the all-new, lift served Killington Tubing Park; dog sledding; cross country skiing; snowshoeing; ice skating; and snowmobiling.
Not only is today a day after a holiday, but it's a Monday! This translates into an early-start to the "OMG! I NEED A DIET" posts on social media. You're overwhelmed with what you might have taken in yesterday and and time between then and Thanksgiving and you are deep in The Guilt. "THE FOOD, IT'S IN ME!"
Reminder: It's just food. Food is not bad. Food is not evil. Even cupcakes.
2. having a wicked or evil character; morally reprehensible: There is no such thing as a bad boy.
3. of poor or inferior quality; defective; deficient: a bad diamond; a bad spark plug.
4. inadequate or below standard; not satisfactory for use: bad heating; Living conditions in some areas are very bad.
5. inaccurate, incorrect, or faulty: a bad guess.
Food cannot be bad.
Food is a required part of life, and your part of life is to learn how to manage your own relationship WITH FOOD so that you don't see FOOD AS EVIL. Calories may not all be created equal, you can make better calorie or food choices, but food, cannot physically be BAD.
Even if you ate more than two days worth of calories yesterday -- LET IT GO -- it's just food. The statuses that you will see online today and for the next few weeks:
"OMG HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN HALF A CANDY CANE? I'm SUCH A COW."
"I am a pig, I ate _____________."
"I need to work off that ___________."
"Starting today, I'm back on my diet."
Self-loathing is not pretty. Self loathing is an extreme self-hatred of oneself or your own actions. "I can't believe I did/ate that, I'm such a loser." For post weight loss surgery patients -- learning to live in a new body and successfully live as normally as possible -- it only makes us stand out more if we create food drama! Just stop it.
Didn't you have weight loss surgery to be "normal?" As morbidly-obese individuals we stood out plenty, and life after weight loss surgery, we can reach a normal body weight and just BE.
You don't have to hate on yourself. You don't have to deny yourself every pleasure of food, either. You don't have to comment on other people's food choices or their size. It's their cannoli, just shut up.
Part of the holidays is (for many people, including your family and friends...) celebrating with/around food. You're going to have to get used to that -- if you want to be part of their "normal."
Celebrating with food or around it not be what you want anymore, but for much of the population it is what they want. If you do not want to partake, you have a choice to find something else to do or make your own good choices. But, it is not our duty as weight loss surgery post op individuals -- to become the food police for everyone.
(Note: Do not do this to your family and friends. They are not you, and they do not necessarily require your special diet or care. I have learned that food policing does not work and often backfires It's up to each person what they are willing to do to take care of their own health.)
It's just food. You make your own choices. And never, ever... apologize for FOOD.
I have a favorite quote that I used to throw out there all the time, by one of my not-so-favorite TV personalities:
"You can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life issues."
I love it because it's true. Weight loss solves nothing about your life, aside from physical ailments. You can't expect losing weight to help you "fix" anything about yourself. Many people have weight loss surgery thinking that "if I just lose XXX lbs, I'd be/my spouse would be/my job would be... perfect."
No. It doesn't work that way. Ask anyone who has already been through massive weight loss.
And, according to Dr. Connie Stapleton's video, "No matter where you go - there you are." Again, truth. You cannot run away from yourself. Losing hundreds of pounds doesn't solve anything if you are still dealing with your original issues that helped created your obesity.
Your issues follow you, like a damn shadow, don't they?
"Fifty-percent of nailbed injuries have an associated distal phalangeal fracture, most often a comminuted tuft fractures.7These require no specific treatment other than repair of the nailbed and replacement of the nail in the nail fold."
Yum. One child's finger in door, and one nail ripped off. Blood trails through the kitchen and all over me, and my house is now a crime scene. She's fine, up in my bed with the left-hand-ring finger wrapped and up on a Boppy pillow watching Home Alone and on Ibuprofen -
"I can feel my heart beating my finger!"
I would have taken a photo, because it was so cleanly torn off of her finger, but that was just gruesome and wrong.
I am waiting on Mr. MM Banker-By-Day-EMT-By-Training to bring her to the ER, but truly there isn't anything LEFT on her finger. It's perfectly clean. <shudder>
I am reading about nailbed injuries, and apparently nails are re-attached? We, uh, threw it away. It's gone. This child is going to be a finger of Neosporin and bandages for about two months. Super.
Oh, as to WHY this child is fingernail-less? I was going out to the porch to confer with the child who had walked out of the house in a huff. As she followed me in a panic, because I LEFT THE HOUSE (about six feet away from her) she pinched her finger in the door. She panicked a little more when she realized it hurt.
It feels like the year just started and it is over. Summer vacation started a few hours ago, and we've already had three complaints of boredom. Two kids are off at sleepovers, and one has a friend over. This will last? One day, and then, complaining will begin. You seriously have NO. IDEA.
Yes, you would think suggesting that they "go find something to do!" when the whining begins? But it just does not work that way. While I can find "things" for them to do - I empathize because I know how much it SUCKS to be stuck here - since I can't leave either. (Remember, we're $32.00 from ANYTHING one-way in a taxi, so that quick trip to the PO Box and grocery store? $64.00 just to get there.)
Summer sort of snuck up on me. I've been brain dead, a millionty milligrams of anti seizure meds will do that. I was supposed to have saved money to sign up the middle kids for camp, like last year, and have them go off to day camp at least for a few weeks of sessions. I blanked on that. I should be able to get that arranged for late summer. I did, however, force the boy into football. He's not happy, but he did not cry. :x We'll see about this.
So, here's to a very. long. summer. with. no. car.
Today is Mr's last day of work. I don't know if I mentioned anything (did I?) because it seems ludicrous considering he just got this job, I know. But, he resigned.
The company was extraordinarily nice to him about it, asked if there was anything they could do to make him stay, and he had to really, really think it over. This has been quite a process. Please note, he's not crazy. He is actually just going back to his former job, but in a different location seeing as they had to replace him.
Why? From where I sit, I know that a big part of it is truly the commute. He went from a job in the town WE LIVE IN to a very large town more than one hour away with traffic. He was used to getting up and going to work just a few miles away, to getting up and leaving early and getting home late. I told him he was crazy to take it in the first place, even if he money seemed better, it all washes out.
I know lots of Moms + Dads commute and work far away from home, and work long hours, so apparently he was spoiled and it's not like he's making millions to make it worth being away 24/7.
I tell you right now that if I landed a job say....pimping out dark chocolate!? in the city, for $XX,XXX a year, I would haul MY sorry arse to the train station at 5am if I had to, and I know lots DO, and that's why they have the big shiny houses not bought from a foreclosure sale, childcare and Range Rovers, too. ;)
Meet the Real Housewives of Massachusetts, right here.
He also got used to the opportunity to get HOME at the drop of a hat if I needed him, and the fact that I did not drive for a year, I really needed him to be available to get a sick kid, etc. And, it's always a reality here...
I am sure I told you about the police coming to my house because I did not answer the PHONE last month or so? Yeah, well. That happened, and he couldn't get me by phone, email or checking in, so... he thought I had a seizure and died.
Other than the obvious -- I think he was a bit underwhelmed or bored? The thing is he needs to be busy -- and like projects and troubleshooting. Sitting in a big, old-fashioned style bank, I think he was twiddling his fingers waiting for things to go wrong. (I know, it sounds nuts.) Consider the location, he should have been thankful he wasn't taken hostage, but he's got a few hours left.
So. It's over, and things are left on a good note. He starts back to his old company on Monday, everything will be the same just with a new location and staff. After things get sorted out, he will be back to writing his own schedule and perhaps being available to us more, again. It does work out a bit favorably, with a match in the pay he took to leave, and cutting the commute down, he's increasing his income. With him working where he was, there was NO way I could consider taking on anything even part time (unless the above situation happened) but with this one, there's at least a slight opportunity. Of course it's pretty unlikely with no extraneous child-care, but, I like to know that I have a LITTLE bit of time to consider it, you know... if the Willy Wonka company calls me.